I had an ectopic back in August. I found out a week after my wedding. It broke my heart. Somehow, through time, I was able to let go with the hopes of conceiving again. It took 9 months of trying until I finally fell pregnant again on my 4th cycle of clomid. I was ecstatic. I was soo over the moon excited and great full. I went on vacation to visit family in New York two days after I found out. the next day of my vacation I was at the natural history museum and I started bleeding. I feel like all the color drained from me and the world started spinning. I had a mental breakdown right there in the middle of Manhattan. I couldn’t stop crying. I got back to my sisters studio apartment and continued to relentlessly cry for 6 hours until I finally fell asleep, I woke up and knew I needed to be home immediately. My husband and I hopped on the next flight home. I was devastated I lost my baby. Even if he was only 4 weeks old and hadn’t yet had a heart beat he was still my baby. And I lost him. I cried at the airport and the flight home. And I cried that whole first day home and slept. I knew I needed to get up and do something to keep me occupied. It’s only been two days now since iv been home and I went to the zoo today, I was happy until we got to the end of the zoo and I knew I needed to find the next thing to do to keep me occupied. But I didn’t feel like anything would make me happy again. So I cried. And I decided maybe I’ll get a message but they were booked up and so I cried some more. Now I’m back home in bed, feeling incredibly lost and heart broken. My doctor has me on clomid already as I have already passed all tissue. And I’m hoping I will get pregnant again soon but I don’t know how I would get through another loss. I don’t even know how to get through this one. I need some help. I need some advise. I just want to feel happy. And ever since I got married it’s been one heartache after another.