My boyfriend and I had been together just over a year when we found out I was pregnant.

We’d been not trying/not preventing so it was a surprise but not a complete surprise if that makes sense.. after finding out, he wasn’t overly supportive of me. He was happy (or so he claimed) but he just kind of wasn’t very chatty about it - despite constantly going on about how badly he wants this baby. I was emotional as hell and so so sick. And I just kind of hoped this time around (I have a child to a previous partner - he’s 6) that it would be different. That my partner would share in my excitement and be there for me and support me (especially since he literally said he was going to do all those things and acted like he was going to).

Anyway, at nine weeks along I miscarried. It was a long process. It went on for over a month. On the main weekend when it occurred my partner went MIA and just completely disappeared. Made no attempt to ask me how I’m going, if I’m okay, then when he finally reappeared it was via text to tell me he had apparently been in hiding and drinking all weekend and crying. We all grieve in different ways so I tried not to think too much of it.

But then this process went on for over a month. Countless days in hospital, many days where I was so sick I kept passing out, ultrasounds galore, blood tests galore, internal examinations galore.. until they finally decided to do a surgical process to remove everything (D&C;). And do you think he showed up or stayed with me during that? No. He disappeared again. He did call me that evening (I was staying with my mum) and said he’d come see me but then just never showed.

Since then things have been strained. He’s distant, not really there, doesn’t make any attempt to talk to me, and I guess we’re just pretending the pregnancy and miscarriage didn’t occur?

But it did. And not acknowledging this is really upsetting, and him not acknowledging me is really upsetting. I feel like we’ve been through so much, I love him and want to be with him but I can’t keep going on like this. I’ve tried talking to him about it and he just shuts me out.