How do I get my husband to help? -WARNING THIS IS A RANT
Hi ladies! I’ve been struggling with this for a while now. I feel mentally emotionally and physically drained all the time. My husband and I have an 11 month old daughter who usually wakes once or twice a night. We (I) try to let her whine herself back to sleep but in most cases, the longer she goes the more likely she becomes to just stand up in her crib and start bouncing around and before you know it she’s fully awake and ready to rave. I end up being the one to go tend to her. Every. Single. Night. Multiple times.
I am not a stay at home mom. I work full time Monday through Friday just like my husband. He leaves for work about and hour and a half before me but we wake up at the same time because yes, you guessed it: I’m responsible for getting myself and our little one ready for the day. So he wakes up every morning, leisurely gets dressed, fuels up on his coffee and slips out for work. I on the other hand need to rush around as fast as possible to get myself ready, pack my lunch and hers, prep bottles for her and snacks, pack her diaper bag, and try to fit in a cup of coffee before she wakes up at roughly 5:30 am. This is done on broken sleep.
After dropping her off to the sitter I head to work where I usually work 9 hours by working through lunch to get that extra hour of OT in every day. Get off work, pick up our LO, head home. This is where I find my husband whose been off work and Home for a little over and hour-relaxing peacefully in front of the TV after having had a nice after work snack and sometimes a hot shower all cozy and what not. He gets alone time every day.
Once we get home (about 6PM- you know, 13 hours into my day on broken sleep) we spend an hour or so playing with our little one before I get her bath taken care of, pajamas and the bedtime routine. Baby is asleep by 7-7:30 usually.
Then he asks- What are “we” (by that he means me) doing for dinner? So then I try to come up with something and spend my next hour or so cooking so we can both have a meal before we go to bed. This leaves us eating dinner around 8. 15 hours into a day on broken sleep. He’s maybe changed 1 diaper in this period, but usually none unless I specifically ask him to do it.
By the time we’ve eaten dinner and ive laid our clothes for the next day and prepped anything I can, maybe sat down for an hour to watch a show, it’s bedtime. He sleeps peacefully through the night and my never ending routine continues. I haven’t had a full nights rest since I was pregnant and she’s about to be a year old. He on the other hand sleeps in on weekends because I get up with her Saturday and Sunday. He sometimes works a Saturday morning shift so I understand him not getting up with her those morning because, well he’s not home. But he doesn’t work EVERY Saturday. Even when he does can’t I sleep in on Sunday since I get up with her every night?
Oh and my weekends are spent doing laundry and cleaning up after the long week where everything exploded in our room where we spend most of our time. I manage all of the bills and keep tabs on household items/baby items were low on. I handle almost all feedings even during the day (bottle and solids).
This is crazy out of balance. He literally does nothing to help keep up our household. I do every single chore minus him once in a while giving her a bath or putting her to bed. In that one hour he has after work couldn’t he start a load of laundry? I’ll even switch it out when I get home. Then I won’t spend an entire day on the weekend washing drying folding and putting it away. Couldn’t he start dinner a few night during the week before I get home so that we’re eating at a decent time together and I’m not spending every waking hour working?
We’ve talked about rotating the night shift in the past and he will comply for a night (literally one night) and then magically forgets this is the new routine. In the last year, he’s gotten out of bed to tend to her maybe 5 times ever.
We’re about to buy our first home (living with my parents now who are currently my only saving grace) and I’m slightly terrified it’s going to be worse. By living here my mom will often cook dinner for everyone while I’m handing the bedtime routine and I can eat once she’s in bed but most nights it’s a free for all and I’m just 100% responsible for everything that happens in our home.
How does he not notice the giant pile of laundry? How can he stand to sit in our room when it’s trashed. Can’t he pick up a few things to help manage it so I don’t spend all my weekends taking care of everything (while he sits on the couch and watches me clean)? He gets to take off golfing or spend time with his brothers whenever he pleases and I’m just left stranded at home with the baby to manage chores and her needs all day. I haven’t had a single day just to myself in a year. How can I get him to help me? I’m at my wits end. Just got LO down for her first nap since we’ve been up since 5 and he’s still just snoozing away. 😡😡🤬🤬🤬