Is it bad?

I’m 17 and my boyfriend is 20 (my parents know and they consent, they adore him!) but right now we’re a bit worried I might be pregnant. Im terrified to the core, but is it bad that I kind of hope I am?... It’s ridiculous, but i just keep seeing all these moms with their babies and it’s making my heart ache. I’ve had baby fever but not this bad. Not that I’d force him to have one, but I just.. I won’t be that upset if I am? My birthday is in 2 months and 28 days so it wouldn’t be too long until I’m 18. I feel so guilty for thinking this way and I don’t want to tell him how I feel. Any advice?