Mixed feelings right now- need to talk to someone...(long)


Ok, so I had a miscarriage with our first pregnancy back in September at about 6 1/2 weeks. Fast forward to this January and I got pregnant again. I'm currently 17 weeks 5 days with our 🌈 baby which we love and are very happy to be expecting.

The hard part is that my first baby should be full term right now as the due date was right about now. I definitely am glad to be pregnant right now, but know I should be giving birth right now instead of not even being half way done. I just want to hold that baby in my arms and be able to take care of it. Due to a heart condition, really bad nausea, and large fibroid this has already been a hard pregnancy. I can't do so many things I want to or see other pregnant women doing and it's just so hard sometimes when I know it should be over by now.

To top all of that off I know almost no one here and so have zero support system to help me through all of this since we had to move here from another state ( a 2 day drive away) right before our miscarriage. I just wish I had some good friends here to help me get through this...that could even just hold me while I cry. I love my husband and he loves me and both babies but he can't provide the emotional support I need for various reasons.

I feel so bad for not being more excited about the baby I am currently pregnant with, but I am having a hard time "bonding" with it and my husband keeps saying I should be more happy and excited about this baby. But my heart still hurts for my other one so much... especially seeing my friends having babies right now that should be what I should be doing too.

There's even a very big chance that no one will throw me a baby shower- which is really hard for me especially after my own church didn't even throw me a bridal shower when I got married (that still hurts).