Positive after miscarriage


I found out I was pregnant in October 2016 with my 3rd child - felt very sick.. sore boobs.. The works. I already had two children with no miscarriages so it didn’t cross my mind it could happen. With all the symptoms I thought surely my baby was growing fiercely. By 11 weeks I went in for my first ultrasound ( not sure why it was scheduled so late ) and the baby was gone. My body thought I was still pregnant.. so cruel- I had to wait for my body to realize it was growing with no baby inside. I continued to feel sick and sore breasts etc for another 6 weeks... then my body finally caught up with my head and I miscarried. Fast forward to today. I found out I was pregnant in April.. although I’m excited and I’m having all the pregnancy symptoms nausea to the extreme.. sore boobs.. headaches.. fatigue. I keep thinking - what if I’m not really pregnant again. What if this is all just my bodies mistake again. Every time I talk about the baby I always say “ if there’s even a baby in there “ or “ if I am actually pregnant “ .. people keep wanting to talk about the baby but I don’t really acknowledge it. It’s my own defense mechanism, I just don’t want to be blind sided again. I have my appointment on Tuesday.. so we will see. Anyone else feel like they had a hard time believing in their rainbow baby.. so worried it would be taken away again that you didn’t want to let yourself believe you’re pregnant until you saw a baby for sure or hit a certain date?