it was by my brother’s bestfriend when I was in 4th grade and he was in 8th (4 year age gap!)

he touched my butt in the dark a day after Christmas and he continued to touch me until one day someone in the summer saw us “play fighting” on my trampoline (him pinning me down and touching me). I lied for him because I was scared and didn’t want to get in trouble.

Last year I was in 7th grade; he was a junior and in April all my friends came to jump on my trampoline including him. We played this game where you have to tackle the person and the person has to break away. He was on the bottom and I was on top and when nobody was looking he would touch my butt and make me bounce on top of him.

he would come over every other month just to fool around with me . One day our street’s power went out in the summer and everybody came outside to play hide and go seek. He went to go look with me and groupe me. he pulled down my shirt and touched my boobs.

once school started up he would come over to talk to my brother and then try to mess with me.(he’s a senior I’m in 8th grade) I couldn’t say no to him because I was scared. He sat on my bed and I got on top of him and bounced on him . I got shirtless for him and he would play with my boobs. He would come over sometimes for me to do that. once time I noticed he had a boner , and he asked if I could touch it (through his pants) and since I have a hard time saying no I did . One day I decided I’m done so I cut off all contact with him and didn’t talk to him . (I stopped talking to him in November) .

He made a account on instagram and dmed me and I didn’t see it til March (he said he was sorry & wanted to be friends) . He texted me one night and I said hi. Everything was good and normal until he asked if he could come over . I didn’t let him. He kept asking so I let him over one day.

he asked to for me to sit on his lap I refused and kicked him out.

I did have feelings for him before all of this happened.

I feel like it’s all my fault because I didn’t tell anybody and it has been years now.

I have a feeling that I’m going to end up messing around with a lot of people just to get over him.

I think about him more then I should.

I wish it be never happened.

I think I like older men because of him.( people my age are not mature, but older guys are)

Sometimes I want to do stuff with him again and I don’t know why.

I don’t want to tell my mom , because she’s probably going to blow it out of proportion.