Need some hope after two MC’s

Alison, 🌈 👶🏻 born 7/26/19

Hi ladies. Going through my second miscarriage found out 4/13 there was no longer a heartbeat ... same thing happened in December at our 9 week ultrasound. Both I lost at 6-8 weeks. I’m going to be 39 literally one month from today and just panicking. No other children, we married late in life. Both times we got pregnant within two months. Right now I’m waiting impatiently for my cycle to return- D&C; was 4/18... so it’s almost four weeks. My hope has been shattered .... it comes and goes sometimes I feel strong like I’ve got this and other times like now I just wanna crawl into bed with the covers over my eyes. I should have been due in July and then november. Now I have notning and am starting over and another year older than when this started . We can’t ttc again until we do testing Bc I decided to see a fertility specialist bc of my age... and we can’t do testing until my cycle returns and I have two and I haven’t even gotten one yet. Last night at dinner we saw a newborn baby at the table next to us... it made me cry. Why do some ppl have it so easy and some like me have to struggle. It isn’t fair. 😢 my husband said “that’ll be you soon” but what if it’s not???? It should have been me right now. And twice already my dreams have been shattered. When does his pain end?? Needed to vent. Thank u for listening. And if anyone has any positive stories please share. I’m living a nightmare.