Well hello there ladies. I’ve been with this app and reading what so many of you have to say for months now... and honestly I just wonder if there’s anyone else having my problem or who feels how I feel...

Last September after my 19th birthday I found out I was pregnant. September 17 to be exact. On September 26, 2017 I had a blood test done and it came back positive. I was overwhelmed with joy and excitement... that night I had to work, I was currently a bartender at a sports bar and during my shift I started to experience excruciating pain and some light bleeding.. I mentioned it to my manager but he refused to let me go home because we had 2 house left in the shift.. he told me to work it off then get rest once I got home.. I got home around 12:30 am, still in pain..

I was in bed with my now fiancé and around 3 am I woke him up crying cause I couldn’t take it anymore, the bleeding was now severe and I couldn’t take the pain in my lower left side ... so I ended up in the ER. I live in Houston and it was right after Harvey so the nearest hospital by my home was shit down.. after a 30 minute drive I’m in the ER getting blood drawn and an ultrasound.. they sat me in a room and told me it appeared that my baby was in my left Fallopian tube and that the tube had burst...

I waited 2 hours for their house ob/gyn to arrive and she checked me once more in a large white room.. she explained what an ectopic pregnancy was and how I needed surgery cause I was having internal bleeding, at that very moment I felt my heart break and tears fall down my face... my fiancé hugged me and just broke down.. around 10 am I went into surgery and I woke up around 2 pm, in more emotional pain than physical... my estimated due date was 5/13/18... tomorrow... and I just, the closer it got these pst few weeks the more it hurt all over again...

after surgery my first period came in November, the 13 to be exact.. then it came in January, on the 6th... after that i began to stay updated with ovulation and all these other things.. we’ve been trying and trying for 3 months now... and no luck... I’ve thought of seeing a specialist but I’m just so confused .. but another thing, lately I’ve been feeling odd. Super bloated, my body aches, nausea, loss in appetite or I just crave all kinds of foods.. so I did that ‘toothpaste pregnancy test’ ... and my urine bubbles, and it changed color a bit... I’m scared to take an actual test... I’ve been doing so every time I feel like I might have a chance and it sucks to have a negative answer...

This was right before surgery... my mom was currently out of town but wanting to be updated, and as much as I was hurting I tried to put on a smile for her and my fiancé... I didn’t want everyone to know I felt destroyed within...