Done with this life š
Well ladies, as hard as this is for me to say.. my ttc journey has finally come to an end. No, I havenāt gotten my bfp yet & from the looks of it, I wonāt. Bc I am filing for divorce in the morning. My husband is a compulsive cheater, and a compulsive liar. Iāve been forgiving many of times, but the last time was my last time being a fool. The shit hurts so much & itās too embarrassing to keep going through that constantly. Every time I try to believe heās changed & isnāt doing anything, I find out the exact opposite. We havenāt even been married a good 4 months yet & heās already hoeing around. It took everything in me to forgive him after finding out 2 days after my wedding that he had been cheating on me all that time with his babymomma; who he so say āhated & sheās obsessed with him, always jealous of his relationshipsā but it was the other way around from the screenshots she sent me! Apparently he was supposed to get a hotel room with her the day before the wedding (rehearsal) & had been texting her constantly while at work, everyday. It took everything in me to forgive him & not good that damn marriage and now look.. just found out today that I wasted my time forgiving him. He couldāve been man enough to tell me he wasnāt ready to be in a relationship, let along a damn marriage. Why in the entire FUCK did he beg, whine & cry for me to take him back after the wedding if he knew he was going to do the same shit. I feel so low; weak & stupid, I swear! I literally put my ALL into this relationship, now thatās itās over I have nothing to show for it. I was so busy helping him pay notes & insurance on his cars that I stopped saving for & worrying about getting my own car, now I have no means of transportation to the 3 jobs I work. 3 jobs? Oh, yeah.. bc I decided not to go to college when I was supposed to so I could help pay bills & handle responsibilities with my āmanā so I have no degree or good paying job so I have to work multiple to maintain. So Iāll be breaking my pockets phong bills & can fair almost everyday all while trying to save for a cheap vehicle of my own. Jesus Christ, I did this to myself. I shouldāve left when all the signs told me to, when my heart & instincts told me to. But silly me, stuck around until it broke me in every way possible. We just got married in January; just moved into this new house last month.. all a waste. Now I have to put on my big girl pants & figureniht how Iām going to survive on my own. My ttc journey was very important to me but I wonāt be able to afford a baby right now, no matter how bad I want one & how long Iāve tried for. I feel that was all a waste too smh. I donāt know what my life will bring, I feel like just giving up on everything.
Let's Glow!
Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.