Done with this life 😞

Well ladies, as hard as this is for me to say.. my ttc journey has finally come to an end. No, I haven’t gotten my bfp yet & from the looks of it, I won’t. Bc I am filing for divorce in the morning. My husband is a compulsive cheater, and a compulsive liar. I’ve been forgiving many of times, but the last time was my last time being a fool. The shit hurts so much & it’s too embarrassing to keep going through that constantly. Every time I try to believe he’s changed & isn’t doing anything, I find out the exact opposite. We haven’t even been married a good 4 months yet & he’s already hoeing around. It took everything in me to forgive him after finding out 2 days after my wedding that he had been cheating on me all that time with his babymomma; who he so say “hated & she’s obsessed with him, always jealous of his relationships” but it was the other way around from the screenshots she sent me! Apparently he was supposed to get a hotel room with her the day before the wedding (rehearsal) & had been texting her constantly while at work, everyday. It took everything in me to forgive him & not good that damn marriage and now look.. just found out today that I wasted my time forgiving him. He could’ve been man enough to tell me he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, let along a damn marriage. Why in the entire FUCK did he beg, whine & cry for me to take him back after the wedding if he knew he was going to do the same shit. I feel so low; weak & stupid, I swear! I literally put my ALL into this relationship, now that’s it’s over I have nothing to show for it. I was so busy helping him pay notes & insurance on his cars that I stopped saving for & worrying about getting my own car, now I have no means of transportation to the 3 jobs I work. 3 jobs? Oh, yeah.. bc I decided not to go to college when I was supposed to so I could help pay bills & handle responsibilities with my “man” so I have no degree or good paying job so I have to work multiple to maintain. So I’ll be breaking my pockets phong bills & can fair almost everyday all while trying to save for a cheap vehicle of my own. Jesus Christ, I did this to myself. I should’ve left when all the signs told me to, when my heart & instincts told me to. But silly me, stuck around until it broke me in every way possible. We just got married in January; just moved into this new house last month.. all a waste. Now I have to put on my big girl pants & figureniht how I’m going to survive on my own. My ttc journey was very important to me but I won’t be able to afford a baby right now, no matter how bad I want one & how long I’ve tried for. I feel that was all a waste too smh. I don’t know what my life will bring, I feel like just giving up on everything.