I don't know what to do

I am so confused and don't have anyone to talk to or turn to. I feel so trapped and would like if someone, anyone can help me figure out what to do. Back in October my husband and I agreed to get a divorce. I went to go set up where I was going to stay and while I was gone, my husband ran off with our then 18 month old daughter. I know I can never forgive him for that because he wouldn't let me see her for 3 months. but now we are in a good co-parent relationship ( and technically still married). I have been with my bf for a few months now and thought things would be ok, until I had a miscarriage ( bf's baby) now he starts fights with me and makes me feel so terrible about myself for my depression. I know I'm not a perfect person but I do need him to support me and be there for me and all I get is more hurt. To make things worse for me, my Bf keeps track of how old his child would have been from a miscarriage he had with an ex but said he doesn't even consider our baby human. I miss my husband so much but know it would be all bad if I went back. But I have no where to go if I leave my bf. I don't know what to do. Please, if you have advice, please let me know.