Our Angel, Holden Adam 💙

Madisyn • Married to my Marine 💙❤️ Mommy to our Angel Holden💙👼🏻 32 Weeker Premie Momma June 2019 💙 🌈 Dog Mom to a yorkipoo & a toy poodle🐾 Small business owner 🎀 MO➡️NC➡️CA

May 16th, at exactly 1:00 a.m., our beautiful baby boy, Holden Adam Williams, was born sleeping. At 4 oz and 7.5 inches long, God gained such a little angel.

To my little boy,

We prayed for you. We begged, we pleaded, and we cried for you. The morning I found out you were growing in my tummy, I couldn’t be happier. I couldn’t go back to sleep so at 4 a.m. I went to work on how to surprise your daddy. I knew that he’d be excited too and he so was!! He kept shouting “Are you serious? You sure? Seriously? Don’t lie to me!” in a little photo booth surrounded by a mall of people. A few weeks later, we saw your little body flipping around for the first time. We told our family about you and guess what... everyone is so excited to meet you! I hope you see how much you are loved already! I was finally getting over my morning (all day) sickness when you gave us a little scare. After a trip to the ER, we saw you again. You had all of us cracking up because you hated ultrasounds and decided this time you’d protest by turning your back to the tech and turning on to your head! We decided to finally tell the world about our precious gift, you, at 14 weeks! I told you about all the people who told us congratulations and wished us the best. We all love you baby. Mommy and Daddy couldn’t wait to know whether you were going to be our little boy or little girl so this past Saturday, we went in to find out. Our tech filled the piñata and we agreed to wait the 10 days to break it open in front of some of our family during our annual family vacation! All your grandparents and some of your aunts were able to see your stubborn self for the first time that day. You refused to uncurl so you left your toes touching your forehead instead. Oh how you must be your daddy’s child I thought. 3 short days and 8 hours of labor later, we were holding you in our arms. You have the most perfect face and the tiniest of hands. You definitely have mommy’s lips and your daddy’s strong arms. You’re just perfect. Oh how we love you, Holden. 💙

I find myself asking why. Why us? Why our baby? Why now? Why ever? I never expected to be making decisions on your burial or planning on how to make sure you’re always remembered. I know your precious self was just too good for this awful world we live in. I wanted to be able to BE your mommy. I wanted to change your diapers and feed you. I wanted to comfort your cries and read you all the books at bedtime we’ve been accumulating for the past few months. Your daddy and I were so ready to watch you grow up and live life in all the ways you could ever imagine. We miss you already, baby boy. I hope you always know that Mommy and Daddy love you so much.

“And to think... the first thing he saw when he opened his little eyes was the face of Jesus.”