Sad.....

Lately I’ve just felt so sad and unloved. My boyfriends birthday was on Sunday and we went out right at midnight Sunday and picked up his best friend and they drank and we just chilled then we picked up another friend later for breakfast and idk I just felt like I was just the chófer and not like his girlfriend and partner celebrating it with him. Also I just don’t feel his love anymore physically either. We barely have sex and if we do he just immediately wants to get it in or me give him a bj which I love doing but idk, i just feel very used and I’ve literally cried almost 24/7 since Sunday. Yesterday I tried having a doover for Sunday and I got him some gifts and a card which btw I drew a very cute anime cartoon on the back of the envelope. He said Thankyou, gave a grin and just rubbed my arm. We were in the car and I surprised him with it during his lunch at work, my whole life I tried to get my father and mother to be more loving towards me and I’d do the same thing. Id surprise them with gifts and id just get a grin and an arm rub and never see the gifts or drawing again. It really stung when my boyfriend did that because it was like that feeling of neglect all over again. I love him so much, I appreciate him so much. He’s the one bringing in the money and we’re moving into our first apartment on our own in two weeks and I hate that i feel this way. I just wish he was more affectionate and that i wasn’t so annoyingly clingy and a cry baby.