This pregnancy has been total hell for me. Severe morning sickness, low blood pressure and passing out, nearly 3.5 months off work... with my chronic pain I questioned if this was the right choice for us. We've only officially been together since August, although we've been best friends for a while, and we wanted a baby. So badly. His daughter just turned 1 and the babies will only be 15 months apart. My girls are 14, 11, and 9. I haven't done this in years. I'm 34, my fiancé is 25. Some days I think I'm crazy. I'm exhausted. I'm in pain, constantly. I have overflowing hampers and instead of working on the laundry, I'm in bed watching tv on my day off. My first full week back at work has been hard on me, emotionally and physically, working 7 out of the last 8 days, 6 of which were at 6am when I'm used to sleeping until at least 8. Especially since I haven't worked more than 2 days a week since January, if even that. I want to cry most of the time.

Right now, as I lay here contemplating a nap, 2 hours after waking up, I can't help but smile feeling my little boy moving around. At my anatomy scan on May 11, I should have been 19+6, but was measuring 11 days small. I go back in a couple weeks for a follow up, but I'm honestly shocked at how active my little boy is, and how much I feel/see with him still being so small. This is my 4th pregnancy, and none of my girls were even half this active, this early or ever. He moves/plays for HOURS on end. He kicks and rolls around so much that you can already see it. He wakes me up in the middle of the night from playing so much. He loves the sound of his daddy's voice and loves to kick him. He loves his 1 year old sister. They already play with each other.

I can't wait to hold my little boy in my arms. The little boy I never thought I'd have. After 3 daughters, an ex husband that didn't want more kids, and then a fiancé that didn't want more kids, because he loves his daughter so much, he didn't think he could do it again. This pregnancy has been hard, harder than my other 3 combined, but it's worth it when I feel him playing. When he reacts to Daddy's voice and kicks his sisters. When I poke at my tummy and he wiggles around. Even when I'm exhausted and can't sleep because he won't settle down. I love my little Liam with everything I am and can't wait to meet him.