Together for the sake of kids?

Question

I’m trying to understand how this works? Was having a discussion with my sisters last night and I mentioned how a guy I know has been with his gf for the past 15 years and says it’s because of the kids he can not leave? One of my sisters agreed and I just did not understand how that is a valid reason to stay in a relationship and be unhappy simply for children to have both parents under one roof? Would love to hear your opinions!

Answer

Staying in an unhappy marriage (if that’s the case) does nothing for the kids except teach them what a marriage shouldn’t look like.

Answer

Like @Liz said I think this is most common in couples who love each other, but aren’t “in love” with each other.

Answer

Didn't work for my family. My mom and dad didn't love each other and tried to live together for the sake of me and my sister. Kids are not dumb, they can pick up on things so easily. It was clear that my parents didn't like each other and it took a toll on me and my sister. It also fucked up how we both thought love was suppose to be like. My parents literally lived like roommates and as I got older I spent most of my time with my grandma because both my parents avoided coming home. I hate when people think that staying together will do better for the kids when it may be better to be separated. I'm so glad my parents broke up, they are so much better off with out each other!

Answer

I don’t agree with for my own life, but it’s definitely valid! There are a lot of reasons....some might be financial, some might be together simply because they’ve been together for so long anyway. Sometimes people are just comfortable and relatively content, so they just go on living it out. 🤷🏽‍♀️ My close friend does want to leave her husband of 13 years simply because she is not in love with him, but they get along fine, have two teenagers, and financially it’s the best for the family rather than child support and two households. There are different levels of happiness I suppose.

Answer

This is no way to raise a child. 2 happy healthy homes is better than one unhealthy disfunctional one!

Answer

thats not a reason to stay. I would not want my husband to stay if hes unhappy with me and wants to leave, this would break my heart(him not telling me the truth, I want him to be happy and beable to tell me when hes not), we talk about this alot, because his brother is only with his wife because of the kids and he has said this to my husband and to his parents and that once the kids are 18 hes gone. I feel so bad for the kids and his wife because they arnt happy and its definitely not healthy for anyone to stay in this kind of situation. the kids no and arnt stupid and are never home(they are 16 and 14 I believe) so they are at school and friends houses alot and really dont want anything to do with there parents.

Answer

You’ll be worse off in the long run.

Answer

I found out when my kids were very small that my marriage was over. My son was 2, daughter 1. There’s absolutely NO WAY I could have stayed for their sake. Today they are 13 and 12 and they understand so much that mom and dad are, before being mom and dad, well, humans. Took me years of therapy to finally understand that i cannot make anyone happy if I’m not happy myself. There’s NEVER anything wrong with telling the truth. I teach my kids good values, therefore I could never live a lie myself. But again, that’s just me.

Answer

I know a couple who co-exist. They are friendly enough that they can still do family things together & basically go on with their routine not to say that they never hook up or hook up with others but it just works for kids & bills enough for them to be content.