So, my boyfriend and I got into an argument yesterday night. I will say it was my fault. I got upset that he told me he was going to run an errand, I was half asleep resting from a long shift from work when he came up and told me. I figured, "Well, he did say he was gonna go run an errand." and I told him to take our daughter so I could snooze a little more before I got up to finish dinner (Had told him to put the ribs I marinated in the oven). Well, I fell back asleep and I woke up; it was extremely late and I noticed he had left at 7pm when he told me about leaving to run an errand. I checked my phone, it was 11pm and I got worried - so - I texted him where he was at?? He told me he was at a friend's house, a particular friend of his I never liked because he was into drugs and always easily convinced my boyfriend into doing reckless crap. So.. I sat there and felt myself get worked up. Mainly because he told me he was gonna run an errand and something told me that since he was at that friends house.. he was drinking. So, I texted: "Ok. Well, I thought you were gonna run an errand and be back? So I assume since you're at his house.. This means you're drinking?" He replies with: "Please don't get mad." I tried not to. I only got mad because him and I had a discussion about how there was no drinking and driving when we have our kid. Period. No drinking and driving at all unless he was gonna stay there, and that wasn't gonna happen while he had my kiddo.

SO.

I texted him: "Well.. Thank you for letting me know you were gonna go somewhere else. And for not at least inviting me to go so I could get out of the house, too." He replies with: "Well you should have came. Not my fault."

He did not wake me up to ask, "Hey. Let's get out of here together and go chill at a friend's house." or something. He just told me, "I'll be back. Im gonna go drop something off." I got so mad. I didn't text back because I needed to let myself cool off before I texted something out of context. He always does this. ALWAYS. Whether it's with family, friend's, or whatever.. He excludes me and our daughter from thing's. So, I sat there for a good few minutes before texting him why he decided to lie to me and why he was drinking while he had our daughter. He ignores me. I wait until it best suits him to text me back (he has the tendency to ignore me if I call or text.) and I wait. 30minutes pass and I call him. No answer. I text him a few more times. No answer. He then starts sending me messages such as, "Stop fucking texting me.", "I'm on my way home, chill dude." (Says that just to say it), "What do you want?". And I get upset because I worry about his safety and my daughters, a few beers to him turns into all night drinking and the cops here have recently been so bad they pull over almost anybody.. And him not answering me fucking causes me anxiety. I begin to tell him how its not fair that I am 37wks pregnant, work, come home to a messy house when he's there all day and I still have to clean and make dinner, shower our daughter, do laundry and so on.. but he gets to go out whenever he wants and have his time. Especially when we can do it together since in the past I wasn't the type to go out for shit, especially with his family because I didn't wanna seem clingy to him. I tell him how it's BS about other things and that I can't do it anymore... I say that because i did get tired of it, but I loved him with all my heart i stayed to make ends meet. He stops answering me. So, I tell my friend to take me over to his friends house to pick up my daughter so that if anything.. my kid won't get taken away if he got taken to jail. I get there and he gets mad saying, "How are you gonna just show up here like that? That's embarrassing." I just told him I came to get my daughter and that he could stay with his friends since they were always coming first in everything.

Later..

I get home, and he gets home 15 minutes later and tells me, "I was fixing to leave, Idk why you showed your face over there to get my kid like that." I got upset that he never includes me in anything. How he just goes off doing everything he wants. I was also upset how he barely gotten a good paying job after 2 months of being unemployed and the rent just around the corner and then he quits because he doesn't like it. Everything just blows out of proportion... He throws his phone against the floor and shatters his shit.. starts yelling at me to leave. I had no where to go at 4am , so I tell him I am staying there. He then says he was gonna leave, but I wouldn't let him because i wanted him to spend that time with his daughter since he basically kicked me out. He starts saying how he wants me to gtfo of his life, that he regrets for asking me back, that I'm worthless. And that he didn't want to be together anymore. So... I asked him if that is what he really wanted. He said yes. I told him if it was what he really wanted to do knowing we have a little girl and another one on the way... And that If I leave back with my mom, her rules are that he cannot come around since this was basically the third time running me off. He said he made his decision and that he was sticking to it.

The next morning comes/or afternoon. Wake up and my mom texted me if this was what I really wanted because if I leave, I better not leave her house for him again and that she will never help me in need ever again. I didn't want it... at all. I wanted to stay, and make thing's work. But i remember how all the times we argued, he wanted me out and that he taunted me that I'd never leave no matter how many times he told me to gtfo out of his life. I didn't want it for the simple fact that once I entered my mother's home, he was not allowed over for running me off. I took a deep breath, and texted: "It's not what I personally want at all. He wants it. So I have to make it happen." She said ok.

I go downstairs to wake my kiddo up since she fell asleep next to her dad.. note this.. she loves her dad unconditionally. And it fucking broke my heart so bad that I was taking her from him because I had no choice. I didn't want to take her. I felt like a monster doing it... I told her to get her shoes on and she got them on as if we were gonna just stay a night at her grandmas like we always did when he never came home for days. He got up, and sat there feeling defeated. I could sense he felt a sensation of regret covering him, he didn't look too happy. But oh well. He wanted it.. I didn't.. I told my baby to go give him a hug before we left. I tried not to cry because she didn't understand what was fully going on.. she didn't understand at all.

Before I walked out the door, I told him: "This is your decision. I asked you many times last night if it was what you really wanted and you said yes. Now think about what you have done, think about how this is gonna affect your daughter later on and soon she'll start to think it is MY fault we left. I'll be stuck dealing with seeing her hurt, hearing her cry out for you like before and helping her forget that a goodbye isn't always forever. But you know my number. You know where my mom lives. You know I would never keep you from seeing our babies when you want to see them even though you stopped before. But you cant take them from the house until I learn that I can trust you not to drink or have untrustworthy people around. I'll ALWAYS love you. So will your daughter.. and I hope you're still around and we still have some contact so when the baby comes, you can get to see this one be born since you didn't get to see your first being born. I hope you do.. Because I need you there no matter how rocky our relationship got. I love you."

We left. As of now.. I wonder what he's doing. I cried because my daughter wanted her daddy. She wanted to go home.. I wanted to go home, too. I still do. I love him to death... I fucking love him. I didn't want this... at all. And I feel like part of it is MY fault if I wouldn't have gotten upset. I hate myself... I can't stand being away from him, I miss his family and I miss him. I wanted us to be a family again and we finally were, having baby #2 on the way and soon our first was gonna start school and everything was gonna be in place. Now? Shit went downhill. I'm fucking hurt. I just want to run back to him and never let go.. But he never cared about my well being, he never attended my prenatal visits, he never cared if I struggled to get up and about when I went to work and came home crying in frustration after a horrible day, he never cared at all... But i still fucking love him. He was special to me.