It’s been 53 days since Charlotte left me and a piece of my soul died along with her.

When we first found out she had anencephaly I decided I didn’t ever want to have another baby. I felt so much blame and anger towards myself that I caused it. I done the wrong thing. Every second I questioned myself. Was it because I didn’t take enough folic acid ? Or was it because I was over weight? Was it that piece of food ?

I questioned everything I could have possibly done wrong in the 13 weeks that lead up to her passing. It wasn’t until I had my genetic counselling appointment that she told me I had done absolutely everything right. I took my prenatal vitamins at least 6 months before ttc, I was still over weight but I walked at least an hour every day, I gave up smoking almost a year before, I never drank alcohol and I hate drugs, I also ate fairly well.

Then and there in that appointment I stopped blaming myself and decided to start fighting again for my life long dream of being a Mum again.

I want to share the story of Charlotte Rose to my rainbow babies. I want them to know they had a big sister who was taken to soon and was needed some where else.

This leads me to here and now this very second. I am not a religious person in the slightest after losing Charlotte I lost all my love for god. I didn’t understand how he could take something so precious from me.All I have ever wanted was to be a mum.

Right now this very moment I am praying that a miracle is happening inside of me and that I am creating another beautiful life, my rainbow baby. If it’s not god listening to me answering my prayers I hope that it’s someone, some where in the entire universe who hears my prayers and allows me to have a healthy full term pregnancy.

I am praying for you mummas out their who are feeling the same. I hear your crys and feel your sorrows. But know I am wishing and praying with my entire being for you. ❤️❤️❤️