It’s too hard

It’s too hard to keep going. To keep getting up, to keep continuing life as if nothing happened. I’ve lost three babies this year. Thinking about that makes me want to die. It makes me want to scream, and cry, and question everything I know. I want my babies. I want my little one from January, and the identical twins that were lost after that. I want to hold them and stroke their hair. I want to love them and raise them. It’s simply too hard. I have a little one, and taking joy in his accomplishments is amazing... but it also reminds me that I don’t get to do that with my other babies. My heart always aches, and my soul is always crushed. How do I move past this point? How do I think about them without breaking down? Any help/words of encouragement/ideas would be appreciated.