HAVING A RANT ABOUT CONCEIVING
Okay so I thought the best thing to do was write down my feelings. Me and my partner have already had a little boy and he’s the most precious thing ever in my life, I’ll always do everything I can for him. A while ago we decided to try again for another. I am that person that completely obsesses and overthinks all the time. We’ve had no success as of yet and I really hate the feeling of disappointment of taking tests before my period cause I get so excited and then continuously take them and then my period starting and feeling like I’ve got stabbed in the heart. I keep just thinking next month I’m not going to fill myself with hope to just be disappointed again but i still do it. I guess I’m just too excited for the day we find out we’re having another baby.
Looking back on the day that I had my little boy, going to the hospital and 2 hours later giving birth (extremely quick labour I know!) and watching the love of my life picking up his son for the first time and placing him on my chest and both of us just filled with this completely different kind of love that i never could’ve imagined it being like. It was the perfect moment. I miss this day. I want to feel this day over again but introducing a new family member.
Trying for a baby is hard. This month me and my partner had sex every single day of ovulated (twice on the specific day of ovulation) and obviously being me I started testing like a week after and then every 2 days and kept getting negatives. My period is due tomorrow. I feel like I’m not pregnant once again but I’m wishing for different. Our son was unplanned so maybe that’s what just makes this feel so difficult.
I know everyone reading this is probably like why can’t you just be happy with your son etc. I am. I really am. He’s my everything. Urgh, I don’t even know why I’m saying all of this!
I’m just praying that this is my time, that my period doesn’t come tomorrow, or the day after that, or the days after that. ❤️❤️❤️❤️