Wife refuses to take a shower *UPDATE 6/13*

*UPDATE* 6/1

She’s not depressed, she’s a happy woman. Last night I asked her why she doesn’t shower and she laughed at me, stating she does. I ask “where” and she said “I shower all the time, you just never notice”

I let the conversation end there. I work from home, we live in a tiny cute 2 bedroom home, you know when someone does anything because you can hear it. I’m a light sleeper so I know when she breaths differently or roll over. She doesn’t take showers at night, she doesn’t take them during the day because she’s out at work, and she doesn’t shower after the gym because well...I can smell her when she comes through the door. I’m so confused.

This morning once again she was up and out, just brushed her teeth and hair and left, and in all honesty, I’m tempted to ask her old college friends if she showered back then or if anything happened. Worth a shot right?

**UPDATE 6/2**

So last night I decided to turn off the a/c. She didn’t notice and normally wears a large sweater to bed. Well during he night she got up and said she was going to turn on the air, I quickly told her “it’s broken, someone is coming in the morning to fix it”

She complained she was hot after taking off all her clothes and opening up the windows and I said “why don’t we take a shower together to cool off?”

She laughed and said “no” wrapping up in sheets to go to bed. At this point I was annoyed. In the nicest way possible,

I said “honey, you smell”

Bad idea.

She started screaming at the top of her lungs saying she’s clean, saying she washes herself and nothing is wrong with her. I told her she smells, it’s at this point gross and that I’m itchy after I sleep with her.

She then called me a pig and slept on the couch.

This morning she said she wanted a divorce and she’s never been so ill treated in her life. I’m baffled!!! I told her “we’re not having a divorce, I refuse, we’re going to get help” she left for work and that’s the last time I saw her.

She’s most likely fine, she’s reading my text messages and she’s probably hiding out at a friends house. It’s Saturday here, so no one can do anything until Monday but I have been looking up different doctors that may help, including dermatologist that may be able to explain what’s going on.

Wish me luck, update soon.

*Mini update 6/3*

She came back home late last night (she normally works half days on saturdays 12-4, but she stayed out till around 11pm) drunk and upset. I helped her undress and I finally sat her down and let her cuddle me.

Again I hated to press this, but I asked her “why baby” and she said once again “I’m clean enough” and went to sleep.

This morning she got up early and left again saying she’s going to hang out with her mother today. At this point I’m worried that there could be something else amiss....

FOR THOSE ASKING.

We live in Philadelphia (suburbs)

We are both in our 30’s no kids, her choice.

I am a male, she is a female, I know some of you were asking. Im African American and she’s caucasian.

She does shave and her hair isn’t “gross” but you can tell it needs a little water. She has her own soaps and bathroom supplies which gets replaced once a month (I did look to see if it’s used, and it’s always half full)

When we dated she was always presentable and always smelled amazing, so I assumed before a date she would doll herself up. When she would sleep over, she didn’t take showers but I assumed that’s because she would do it at home or was too shy. We never had shower sex.

UPDATE 6/3 afternoon

She finally came back home about 2 hours ago AND TOOK A SHOWER!!! I didn’t make it weird, she was in there for a good while and even though she left the bathroom like a hurricane went through it, she came out two shades lighter and big beautiful fluffy hair.

I sat down with her after she got dressed and ask her what’s up. She said she just doesn’t like to take showers. She says she probably only takes a shower once a month. I asked her why and she said she feels clean most of the time and doesn’t feel the need to always wash.

I told her about sex, and how she sometimes had a order and she didn’t seem to really care. She said she didn’t want a divorce and she was just surprised I came out of no where with asking her to take a shower.

I told her the whole shower thing isn’t normal and we should seek a professional. She said no and she was normal and healthy.

Case closed I guess. I kind of don’t know what to do in this situation if she refuses to speak with anyone about it, especially if she considers it “normal”

I also mentioned a dermatologist because I assumed she maybe had a skin irritation that sometimes happens when people take either too hot or too cold showers. I thought maybe that was the issue and just avoided it completely. Sorry for the confusion.

Thanks ladies. I suppose we all just have to wait and see.

UPDATE 6/8

So for the last 4 days I’ve been calling various doctors, psychologist and dermatologist (because it may be a skin condition) and all of them have told me to get her mentally checked.

Last night I took her out to dinner with a folder full of findings about how unhealthy showering so little is, especially in this day and age. It’s just not good. She obviously couldn’t make a scene because we went out to a small fancy restaurant in the city. I don’t know if she read anything, but I did tell her she’s going to be evaluated. I told her I think she’s suppressing something and it’s not healthy. I told her I love her and we need to tackle this.

This morning I dropped her off at a out patient psychiatric hospital. They are going to use today to evaluate her, and I’m going to see her in a few hours to make sure she’s ok and comfortable. I’m nervous, I was shaking when I dropped her off, I almost cried.

She’s my best friend, my baby, my life. I even asked her doctor if I could stand by her and he said “it’s better if she does this alone for the evaluation” I told them I WILL be back later today to check on my wife, and if she’s not getting the proper care, I will be taking her back home.

She was upset but she finally gave in. I gave her kisses, I told her I’ll be back at 5:00 to check on her. She has phone privileges, isn’t on any watches, and isn’t taking any medications. I checked in over the phone around noon and they said they are still working with her. She’s cooperating. I can’t wait to see her, I miss my wife, the house is too big and empty without her...

Will update once I see her in a few hours.

UPDATE 6/13 Wednesday

As always, thank you ladies for your constant support.

The last 5 days have been mentally and emotionally exhausting. It seems that the psychologists and therapists at the hospital really tapped into her psychological state and well...we found a lot....

I’m glad I didn’t show pictures of us...there’s women she knows on this very thread that would spread her story....I’m glad it’s anonymous....

It turns out she was abused by her brother and her father at a very young age. Her father died three years ago, but her brother was at our wedding and we see him regularly.

She must have some how suppressed it. Her therapist said it’s normal for victims to stop showering and keep the behavior up for decades later in order to protect themselves. I found out a lot...too much....it was scary, the whole time he was talking to us, my poor beautiful amazing wife was sitting on my lap sobbing. I wanted to vomit. I kept squeezing her, holding her.

She had a child before, a product of what happened but it died a few days after the birth due to complications. She never told me. No wonder why she never wanted to have any others.

SO MUCH came out. She was pale silent when we was discharged. She hasn’t spoken or looked at me since everything came to light. We have a psychologist and therapist coming to the house every other day, even on the weekends where they get her out of bed and talk to her. They help her shower (with clothes on for the time being) and walk outside with her. They are both kind and gentle older women.

Our room has turned into a treatment center. I’ve filled it with all her favorite flowers, orchids and Lillie’s. I put the TV in there and have all her favorite movies and shows on DVD so she only sees things she wants and nothing to further traumatize her.

I’ve called into her job to make a medical leave of absence and I work when she’s out of the house and going through therapy. I sleep in our guest room, while she’s recovering. She cries a lot. I don’t remember her crying so much. I have to help her eat and she shakes when she’s awake and I’m not around.

She looks defeated, broken. She’s lost 10 pounds and her eyes look dead. Sometimes I wish I never said anything, but I’m glad it’s all out and the recovery can start.

I’m working with the police about her brother and her mother. I’ll probably update within the next few days, but as you lovely ladies can guess, I have my hands full. Thanks again for all the well wishes.