Third time is (not) a charm

So I got my faint positive 14 days after my ovidrel injection and I was so excited. We’ve had two miscarriages, one D&E; and the other natural. We’ve been on four rounds of Femara, plus the ovidrel shot this go round. Well I got my levels drawn Tuesday and they came back at 11...I know, warning sign. Well they retested to make sure they were doubling today and the phlebotomist goes “Third times a charm!” Well. The levels came back at 7. I’m so frustrated yet even more frustrated that I prepared myself for these results. I stayed at work and pretended that nothing was wrong because I expected this. I didn’t even feel the right to be sad. Almost like I brought it on myself for even having the heart to try again. But it is crushing. I want to be okay. For my sake and I want to be strong for my husband who has seen me cry a million times. But this is so hard. So I’ll spend my weekend waiting for the bleeding and maybe have the heart to still try again...