18, a ftm and i had an emergency cesarean in early April of this year(05/04/18). It was the most horrific and terrifying experience. Sorry Long Story. I haven't told anyone my story as its taken me a long time to accept what had happened and many Cesarean mamas get judged for "taking the easy way out". Let me tell you now, its the hardest most scariest thing ever. Definitely not the easiest way out. hard recovery but im thankful i didnt do it alone. Day before i had my baby.

So here is my story. I was 5 days days over due. I had a scheduled stretch and sweep for the 4th. The next morning i started to have minor contractions (wasn't that bad considering i never experienced BH). As the day went on it started to get worse. My SO was at work so i waited for him to get home and have a shower to take me to hospital for a Vaginal examination. After we got to L&D; My doctor told me i was 6cm dilated and there was no way i was going home. 1 hour later, i was 8cm dilated. 6 hours later and there was no progression. I could feel my body wanting to shut down. I was tired and exhausted. I wanted to do it all drug free but i screamed for the gas but that didnt work. I then asked for the Epidural and that also didnt work. My body was aching. I felt something was wrong. They did an ultrasound and my baby's head was stuck in my pelvis and was in distress. His heart rate started to drop. I was then sent for an Emergency Cesarean.

All of a sudden i felt all of the pressure release  I turned to my partner and said "He's out". He looked at me confused. We then heard that first cry 😍 The doctor then showed us our gorgeous little son over the sheet. After all the checks were done they placed him on my chest. The moment they placed him on my chest, I fell instantly in love but i was so shocked and in disbelief of what had happened, that i just didnt want to hold him. I turned to my SO in tears and said "can you please take him". I've felt like a bad person for a long time but over these 8 weeks of bonding with my son, im so happy and thankful that he is a healthy and strong little boy. I was re admitted with a bleeding hematoma and had surgery again. re-opened through my Cesarean scar. After such a traumatic experience, i don't plan on having any more children but if i were to, i would definitely be doing a scheduled Cesarean.

My scar now 8 weeks postpartum.

Thank you to those who took the time to read my story and experience ❤