Just venting

I use to want to ttc so bad after me and my boyfriend lost our baby back in October so we have been trying since the beginning of this year January but now I realized we aren’t ready for a baby our relationship isn’t quite there yet because I don’t even trust him enough he wants a baby really bad but I don’t wanna bring our baby into a unhealthy relationship so I changed my mind I’m no longer gonna ttc and I don’t want a baby from him . But goodluck yo everyone ttc 😩