personality disorder

i just learned a little bit about different types of personality disorders, and there was one that i felt like i connected to quite a lot. it’s called avoidant personality disorder and for those who don’t know what that is, it’s defined as a personality disorder in which the individual desires social relationships, but is prevented in forming them because of an extreme fear of being disliked or disapproved of, because of an extreme fear that anything they say or do could look foolish or embarrassing. i even considered that i might have some elements of schizoid, obsessive-compulsive, and dependent mixed in there, but avoidant was definitely the big one for me. this struck a chord with me because it seems like the answer to so many questions that flood my mind daily, really almost all the time about why i feel and think and am the way i am. but now i feel like i’m caught at a crossroad. i have the urge to see a doctor and get myself officially diagnosed so that that uncertainty that’s been plaguing my life can finally feel like it has some reason and validity, and that i’m not just conjuring it up to excuse myself for thinking i’m always inadequate, or for leading a mediocre lifestyle. my dilemma with this however is this: i’m about to graduate high school. i’m about to move on and endure a huge change in my life and hopefully my lifestyle. over the course of this year especially having a job and doing some leading in my volunteer work, and trying to just jump in and try things that may have been out of my comfort zone, i have learned that i may have some ability very deep down to learn to do that more and more and become much more satisfied with my social life and much more confident in my personality. though i can’t say that the questions and doubts and fears that i’ve experienced for so long do not still bother me. they are still just as loud and present and do generally make it so hard for me in certain public settings, so hard and painful that i still cry alone about it. but what do i do? do i go get diagnosed and finally have some closure, but possibly have that lingering in the way i operate? or do i wait and find out if i can use this new life as an outlet for me to defy who i thought i was, but run the risk of never succeeding and just being held back by myself from gaining the social satisfaction i want to find in this whole new chapter of my life, just because i didn’t get the help before it was too late? what do i do? someone please, please help me decide.