Today I had my 9 week ultrasound.

6 months ago today I also had a 9 week ultrasound.

Both ultrasounds broke my heart.

The 1st one showed that I had a spontaneous miscarriage and today I was given options to complete a missed abortion.

6 months ago, I had a slight bleed, old blood, at 8.5 weeks and was told that It was perfectly normal. 2 days later I had contractions and I lost my baby.

Today, after holding my breath and keeping It together for two weeks after a uncertain 7 week ultrasound. There was confusion over my dates. I knew my dates were correct. I saw that my baby was only 3.2 mm. It grew 1.6mm in two weeks. Which was too small even for the 7 week ultrasound. My baby never stood a chance.

So life goes on, kind of ironic really but It does. We will try again. 1st things 1st I will have to clean my body of what I thought was my rainbow baby. I will take the pills to start my 2nd miscarriage and I will grow stronger again.

Advice from my hospital is not to waste time on tests as I became pregnant naturally twice and the harsh reminder that I am 41 and that I would waste 3 months of trying while waiting for my hcg levels to drop low enough for testing. And the slap in the face that It’s probably my age that is stopping me from becoming a mum. Life is a bitch sometimes.

Has anyone else gone through this with a positive outcome ? Im sorry for anyone else who is reading this while looking for hope and scared and frightened after an uncertain ultrasound. Maybe your situation is different and you will not have to go through this. Stay strong ! 🌈