Self-Righteous Sister in law
WARNING: LONG READ
I really need some womanly advice. I'm seriously struggling with my sister in law!
My SIL is named Ruth. We met when I was contacted by her about being a bridesmaid at her wedding. I had literally never met the woman before, but she was marrying my husbands brother and wanted us to be good friends. I took the opportunity and that's where we started. I lived in a mother state and didnt see them again until my son was born. They wanted to come up and be a part of it and we offered our home. They showed up about 5 days before I have birth and the problems started a few days after. She was extremely tense, you could feel it. They suddenly sldecided they would rent a motel for the rest of the stay and when we asked why, she proceeded to say "We dont feel welcome here" which confused the hell out of us. Yes I wasn't the best hostess at the time, I was about to go into birth. We had a tear filled conversation and they ended up staying. We thought that solved stuff.
Fast forward to 8 months ago. We moved into my In laws house due to my DH being unemployed for a long time. My BIL and SIL lived there too in a mother in law upstairs. Well I had been really trying to build a connection with her but she seemed to be avoiding me. She asked me to go shopping with her and I happily agreed. She drove around the corner and turned off the car. She proceeded to break down crying that she cant trust me. That she has been dealing with this hurt the whole time. My son was 1.5 years old at this time. She goes on to tell me that I am dressing to get mens attention (by wearing tank tops and shorts) and that I have been trying to get her husbands attention since they came down for my sons birth! she says that when they were there I would moan sexually whenever he was in the room. I was so confused. the only moaning I did was from my 9lb son kicking me constantly, he was really hyper. She said a lot more but I'll try to keep it short. I told her that I was in no way attracted to my BIL nor trying to get his attention. I told her I was wearing what I did because it was over 100 degrees here in Cali and I'm from washington, not used to this. I told her that I had no intention to make her feel that way and to come to me with any future problems. we then went shopping and she proceeded to tell me that I dont know how to dress my body, I should never have any kind of cleavage showing (I'm a 34H) and that I need to "get used to layering". I just bit my tongue and didnt sal anything.
Fast forward to May 12th, my birthday party. So I was 18 weeks pregnant and had an ultrasound 2 days prior, doing a gender reveal at my 25th bday party. Ruth had started to avoid me again, telling our in laws that I dont like her. So j invited her to the Ultrasound trying to build a connection. I hoped for a girl and we found out it was a boy. my husband asked after if I was ok and I said "a little disappointed". Que Ruth. she started saying how I am not allowed to be disappointed, I CANT feel that way, even if I wanted a girl. We both got frustrated trying to explain to her and I said "Its call gender disappointment and it's a thing a lot of pregnant women deal with" she said "that doesnt mean you should just accept it!" and I proceeded to not respond to her. The car ride was super tense as I was already emotional. At my party she barely said hello to me and sat on the other side of the yard. I figured she was upset about the day and probably my shorts (😂). She was avoiding me and at this point telling people she feels I dont like her. so I wrote her a very long message and sent it to her. I explained how I felt about these events that had happened. Explained about our conversation in the car and why I moaning in pain, down to her actions at my Ultrasound and how it hurt me and how j felt she was being very judgemental with the things she said to me. I had 3 people read it over before I sent it because I wanted to be sure I wasnt being harsh in any way. Well I got back this mess "
Everything you said, what you say I supposedly did to you you are doing to me. You say a sister is honest. That is what I have been doing.But not I see. I understand. You don't know me or know who I am. You don't see or feel what I have been with what you have done. I won't be around with your baby stuff anymore. I get it" I was frustrated. I never even brought baby stuff up.
Well she refused to respond to anything after that.
I posted a joyce meyer video on the bible and tattoos saying that there is nothing wrong with tattoos. She posted a super judgmental comment literally saying to repent if I have gotten a tattoo as a christian. I responded with bible verses and I was extremely polite despite how I felt. My BIL then got on and started going off on how I've hurt his wife's feelings and I have been nothing but disrespectful and condescending to her. I was extremely confused and asked his where and how and he refused to answer me.
Then she randomly sent me THIS.
"I just want to say I'm sorry for hurting your feelings. I also need to tell you that I forgive you, even though you don't feel you did anything to me. You have said many excuses to stay away from me, like that you barely know me, but that is all nonsense. Although you did so many things to me, behind my back, in my face, and around people, I always forgave you. I have always thought better of you. I always thought, like you forgave me God, I will do the same with her. Stephanie, you want everyone's approval, and you go around telling people your side of the story, and you don't care what happens to me. All your fruits are clear as day, and you have let it be known that with all the reasons you said I could not be a sister, you were the one that didn't know how to be one. It's not about having a blood sister. It's not about having millions of sisters. It's about honesty, and forgiveness, and the word of God, and His love. You said that sisters are honest, but your arguments are only ever one sided because you only wanted to be the one to tell me how you felt with harsh, mean intentions by adding salt to a wound. You know why you don't like when I say things? Because you want to do what you want, when you want, how you want. I am the opposite. I don't want what I want, I don't like what I want, I want to be so far from my fleshly desires, and I tremble at the thought of how I used to be. I am free from my past bondage, but I feel like literally other people of, I can see it when I look in your eyes. The bible says the eyes are the windows to the soul, and the Holy Spirit discerns the intentions in your heart and my heart. I know what you have done to me. But you know what? I will always forgive you, and I always forget. Always... I know you don't feel these words, but I do... I love you Stephanie. I'm sorry how things have been and have to be sometimes. I am so very sorry. I will say no more."
I got upset but I sent a very polite response back to her which she refused to reply to. I have asked her literally 15 times over the course of this what on earth I did to upset her so much. She refused to even acknowledge my question. This is not the only conversations we have had but ahe has spoken this way in all of them, no matter how polite I try and be.
My husband tried to text his brother about this situation. as they refuse to meet up in person, and s ok me how Ruth found out. She started messaging him about how she said all those things to me "to make her a better person" and that they were done with the situation. "we have moved on in God"
I have no idea what to do about this! I'm definitely not moved on, though I'm trying to just forgive her and stay polite. My mother, husband, worship leader and my 2 best friends have read the messages between us and are just as confused as I am and assured me that I was very polite with my responses. My MIL wants to to just ignore it and keep being friends with Ruth like nothing happened. But I cant. I cant deal with this kind of person easily. My father was an egotistical narsassist and I cut him out of my life 3 years ago not wanting my child to ever meet him and feel the verbal abuse he gave me growing up.
I have been extremely stressed about this and have no idea how I should go on from here!