Please make me a mother I promise I’ll be a GREAT one 😔

I’m just ranting to get this off my chest because I read if you write your fears out it’ll help

I had so many Gyno appointment but cancelled them because I wanna still believe there’s a chance I can get pregnant even tho my period is a 127 days late and I have sex just about every other night but still test negative 😔 I know there’s something wrong with me but I wouldn’t know how to feel if a doctor tells me I could never get pregnant or Have to pay for some expensive treatments that MIGHT work with money I don’t have😒 you see I’m not strong like you guys My Dad died when I was 17 my Stepdad died when I was 18 I guess what I’m trying to say is everything has been snatched from me and here at 19 I don’t want not being able to be a mother be snatched from me too 😔😔