Parter not going to dr appointments?

Question

I need to vent here and see if I'm overreacting and upset over nothing
My boyfriend is very supportive and is very excited about our baby boy. We talk about it a lot and we are nesting and it's great.

Yet he doesn't seem to care to come to any of the Drs appointments and ultra sounds. He makes me give him all the dates of my appointments so he can get the day off and then he always ends up being booked to work and not making it. The only appointment he came too is the 8 week one- he hasn't made it to the 12 week dr appointment or nuechal screaming ultrasound or the 16 week dr appointment or scan. They could see the sex at 16 weeks but I had to have them write is down and not tell me since he wasn't there

I had told him that the 20 week anatomy scan this Wednesday was super important - I have him the date months ago and I keep reminding him to take the day off to go with me and he said he asked but they never got back to him - So he didn't even really try.

I know he is stressed about money and wants to work as much as he can- I think he also feels inadequate since I work much more than he does and make more money.

It hurts my feelings that he doesn't even seem to care about going with me. When I show him the ultra sound photos he is like oh whatever - I just feel like if he saw him moving around and stuff he would feel more connected . I'm just disappointed and honestly scared to go to the anatomey scan alone

Do any of your SO not come to any appointments ?

Answer

Mine comes to ultrasound appointments only. He came to the very first appointment but after that he has come only when he could actually see the baby. And I'm perfectly fine with that. No sense waiting around when most appointments last only a few minutes anyway. Missing an ultrasound though I think I would be upset. Especially if it's your first.

Answer

My husband only came to the first appt at 8w and the gender scan at 16w. He would love to come but it just isn't feasible for him to take off work to go to every single one. Most of my appts are just weight, BP, and checking heartbeat.

Answer

My s/o has been to every one of my appointments, but one that was a last minute emergency. I schedule them so he doesn't have to miss work and if he does then he only has to miss 15 mins. I get paid time off and he doesn't so it just works for us that way. I'm sorry but I'd be telling him that it hurts you he doesn't go at least to the important ones! If you can't trust him to be here now will he be later? What happens when if you go in labor while he's at work is he just going to miss it because works more important? You didn't make this baby alone, and you shouldn't have to go to every appointment alone! My s/o loves going and wouldn't miss them for the world! He loves watching the baby kick and hearing its hear beat. Heck my doctor didn't kick him out for my pap and it didn't bother him one bit. Because it's all apart of the pregnancy and he wants to be as much involved as he can be.

Answer

Mine has gone to all of them this time but with my 1st didn't always go. Most appointments are just to check the heartbeat and take your weight and measurement so for me, those aren't a big deal if he doesn't go. Some men don't bond with the baby until they are here because it may not feel real to them yet the way it feels for us. We are lucky because we feel the baby move, our bodies are changing so it can be different for men and women. Maybe he really cant get off work or maybe he doesn't understand how important it is to you that he is there. I would talk open and honestly with him so you can understand each others pointed view. Honestly though, I would ask him to go to ultrasounds or big appointments-those are moments you should share. The rest are quick, usually uneventful and as frequently as we end up having to go, it could put him in a bad situation with his job.

Answer

Thanks for all the advice guys!

I've talked to him and told him how I felt . It doesn't change things for my 20 week scan tomorrow since he can't take off now.

But at least he knows how I feel

Answer

My husband has only been to my first appt which was at 12 1/2 wks. He will be going with me tomorrow only bc he has an appt also. Its just not possible for him to take off for my appts. 
Maybe try talking to him about your feelings, he may just be nervous, especially if this is his first. Pregnancy is very emotional and the only way to keep from getting too upset is to communicate with your so. Even if he doesn't connect while your pregnant things will change when he holds his child for the first time. Good luck hun.

Answer

I go to the doctor 3 times a month for my high risk pregnancy. I am 23 weeks and my husband has been once. It's not the same for men as it is for us women. I give him the chance to go, and he doesn't care to. That doesn't mean they care any less, just not the way they connect with the babies

Answer

Mine comes to all the major ones and ultrasounds, but not the regular checkups where they just measure my belly and listen to her heartbeat. I don't really blame him, I wouldn't go to those ones either if I didn't have to. 😆

Answer

My husband really only went to the "biggies" like the anatomy scan and one other. I also told him that I really didn't care if he came to the others though but that he was welcome anytime he wanted to come. I think most guys are sorta uncomfortable with womanly type check ups. Have you told him that they don't do anything "weird" and they just measure you and ask questions and scan your belly? Maybe he's "scared" of seeing more than he wants to.

Answer

My husband hasn't been to any appointments, this is our second boy. Honestly, I'd rather him work than to take time off to go to one. I went to my ultrasound by myself and came home with all the pics, plus called him to tell him boy or girl when I got done with the appointment. Doesn't bother me a bit.

Parter not going to dr appointments?

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