time to move on

My daughter is 10 months old, he dad and I have been together since 2010, high school. We didn’t get pregnant on purpose but it wasn’t unwelcome since we are 24 and have a stable relationship. Or had a stable relationship. In February he let me know, by getting caught dropping another girl off in her pjs, that we are no longer together and he has been miserable for a long time. BLINDSIDE.

Before finding out about LO we were in a car wreck that took months of recovery on my part, most weeks spent bedridden. And pregnant. So I know that I changed as a person, but I wouldn’t say for the worse.

Tonight was my sisters wedding. He doesn’t help with the baby, he runs off and starts drinking. By the time I get the baby put down and find him, he’s so wasted he’s slurring his words. He then disappears and I find him asleep next to the room with our screaming daughter, and he’s sound asleep. So I lose it. I tell him to meet me in the car and don’t say a word. I finally get everything loaded to go to the car and I find him asleep outside.

He’s no help. He works and I am a SAHM so he feels like paying the rent and power is his contribution.

To top it all off, tonight his phone was going off and someone named Callie was calling, so I pick up and nobody says anything. So I’m like..? Open his phone to find a TON of messages to this girl saying he’s going to a wedding but dreading it.

Texting her friends asking when she’s gonna be able to hang out.

Texting his friends looking for pussy.

Why is it that after everything I see and have seen I still want to try and make it work for our daughter?

Tonight was my final straw. He’s leaving tomorrow. Come hell or high water. I just don’t know why I feel like I’m going to start to carrying the guilt he should be feeling? I’m just so torn and hurt and over it all at the same time. I just needed to vent and hopefully find someone who has gone through this, how do you leave the father of your child and not feel like you could’ve done more? Obviously in my case, I think I’ve done all I can do.