My brother died from suicide 8 days ago and today was his memorial service.

So many people were there and even one of my favorite teachers showed up to support me.

The service was short because of him being cremated but the pastor asked if anyone would like to say anything and first the pastor read something my step dad who now lives across the country sent to be read, then he read something from my brothers fiance, then I asked if I could come up and read a poem. I got up Kleenex in hand and walked the few feet to the microphone and tears streaming down my face read a poem for my brother and family. I barely got through it I could hear the sniffles of my family and I couldntsee to read it 3 lines in. I had to take a deal breath because I was so shaky and then I continued on. I looked up at the end and first saw my strong navy grandfather falling apart sobbing. And I almost lost it.

I walked back to my seat 2 feet away and started crying more, people around me rubbed my back to comfort me and then the pastor continued

As people were leaving everyone said I did a great job and said I’m sorry and gave me hugs and half of them I didn’t even know.

My brother donated his organs, through CORE, they gave us so many things,

They even took a hand print of my brothers and encased it in this beautiful box and seeing it made me cry even more.

I didn’t think it would be this hard. I’m trying my best to keep it together.

Afterwards we had a luncheon and then went to my aunts and I got some strawberry daiquiri from my oldest brother, wanting me to calm down a little bit and relax.

Being with family especially this part of my family usually stresses me out but today was peaceful and I’m glad I got to spend it with the people who care.

I love my big brother so much I will forever miss him