Returning From Deployment

So I will be coming home in about 40 days (thank god!!). Deployment has been extremely hard on my boyfriend and I.

Lately, I have been experiencing awful anxiety and stress about coming home. It’s so bad that I’ve pretty much convinced myself that things are going to be awful between my boyfriend and I when I get back.

We’re planning to spend the rest of our lives together too.

He used to be so loving and caring. He always told me how much he loved me, cared about me, he literally made me feel like a princess everyday. I made some bad decisions and tried to leave him right before my deployment. I realized I was being stupid and have been working so hard to gain his trust back.

Every since I made that one decision, he hasn’t been the same. It breaks my heart. Anyway, I am constantly looking for the love and compassion he used to give me before I made the mistake but it’s never there. No matter how much I beg and plead.

I’m just looking for that reassurance from him but it doesn’t seem like he wants to try to reassure me. This causes my stress and anxiety to sky rocket!

I don’t know what else to do except keep asking but I know it’s getting on his nerves.

I feel like I’m over thinking things especially when he tells me everything is ok and he still loves me. But the fact that he’s not himself anymore, or the guy I was dating before I made my mistake, is so depressing. 😔

Has anyone who has been deployed had issues with feeling stressed and dealt with bad anxiety before coming home? How can I keep my cool for the next 40 days so I don’t frustrate my boyfriend?

Update:

I think I’m over thinking it. He told me he wants to take a week of space to figure things out. No talking or anything. It made me so sad.

It feels like the end is near 😔

I love him so much. All I can do is give him space and hope and pray.