Jealousy? Bitter?

I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks, last year after a truly traumatic pregnancy. We’ve been ttc since (9 months). I’m 22 and it was our only pregnancy.

I can’t help but feel like the women who are pregnant, or have had a baby are lucky. But I find myself thinking ‘What have they done better than me? Why can they have a baby?’

I’m not that person at all, and as soon as I think like that I tell myself ‘our time will come, everything happens for a reason.’ But I can’t help but feel guilty. I’m bitter when I should be happy for others. They of course don’t know I feel this way, I just put on my biggest smile, even though I’m broken inside.

I hate this side of me that has developed. A friend of mine got pregnant from a one night stand and had a surgical abortion. Yet I’m literally begging, with a good home and a loving relationship. How the hell is that fair?! I know the world doesn’t work like that, and I’m trying to stay positive, but it’s hard.

I guess what I’m trying to say is please tell me I’m not the only one? I’m not the only one who has got this weird bitter side to them. I’ve never ever been anything but happy for other people, I hate how my thoughts trail off. It’s a vicious cycle of feeling like this and then feeling guilty for even thinking like it!