So I had the misfortune of having a blighted ovum pregnancy. At first I missed a period, so I took 3 pregnancy tests and they all came back positive. Me and my spouse were so excited because we had only been trying for a little more than a month so I thought I was legit pregnant. Fast forward 2 weeks and I was in the hospital bleeding. Basically the egg attached to the uterus and then nothing. No more growing. It was heart breaking. One doctor said it was a miscarriage but there was no pain, just bleeding. The other explained that it could’ve been the blighted ovum, but either way my HCG was at 0 so therefore I was no longer pregnant. I was confused, disappointed and so many other emotions. The worst part is me and my spouse didn’t tell anybody yet because it was super early so we handled all of this on our own.

After everything I’m so worried and scared to try again. I don’t want to go through any of this ever again. I’m ten days away from my next period and I’m so anxious. Part of me doesn’t want to get my hopes up in case it’s negative and the other part is scared that it’s going to come up positive and then something will happen again. I have no idea how to get past this fear and the anxiety is going to ruin it for me if I do happen to get pregnant.

I just don’t know what to feel anymore.