Ok, I was feeling really great about my last cycle - I ovulated the day I graduated nursing school (May 11) and I was pumped. I mean, on top of the world pumped.

Well... that was based off of my normally very regular cycles and months of opk testing and knowing that I always ovulate CD 15-16 every month. But for some reason this month I decided I was just too good for OPKs. Nursing school was finally over, all my stress out the window, summer.. freedom... nothing can stop me now!!!! = my brain.

So, a few days go by. I’m 7 DPO (so I thought) and I’m like “just one little online cheapie to ease my mind.” I knew it was too early. BFN. Duh. I again told myself I knew that would happen. No biggie. Probably tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow. People get their positives on 8 DPO. I see that all the time.

8 DPO.. 9 DPO... 10... BFNs...

I look back in my calendar like, maybe I ovulated a couple days later... so lets just say TODAY I’m 8 DPO. Not 10. That’s cool. Still early. I’m probably just 8 DPO. That’s what it is.

Now 12 DPO... but in my head “probably more like maybe 10.. maybe even 9? 8? Maybe I was really late this month. Checked the calendar to make sure my SO and I did it every 2-3 days so if I was just 8 DPO (...still...) I would’ve still ovulated with sperm present up in there. Yup I’m good. I’m ok. It’s probably still early. Probably still 8 DPO.. maybe 9?

Now around this time (12 DPO - well, 8-9 DPO according to my emotional adjustments) I found a freaking twin edamame. Like two in the same pocket. Attached, identical. And I was like THANK YOU LORD I MUST BE PREGNANT. My boyfriend was there. I got pics. It was a sweet moment. OH YEAH, this was my SIGN. I even posted it on here. People wanted updates and I was like oh yeah I’ll give em to you once I get my BFP. Those edamame beans held proof I was indeed pregnant. Definitely pregnant. So pregnant. Because, you know, the sign told me so. We’ve got this, stay humble.

I tested for a couple of days and started getting mad at the tests. Come on! my boobs are sore, I’m nauseous, gassy and having funny cramps in my lower left uterus. That’s where it implanted. I’m sure of it. I’m pregnant - the edamame told me! I was so mad at the tests.

Day of expected period arrived. My cramps felt like period cramps and I had taken 5 FRER in the last week and now I was pooped. My bubble started popping... I came back to reality and was expecting my period. 8 months TTC. What’s another month.

But it never showed. I bought another batch of cheapies and I tested every day. On day 3 of AF being late I bought three boxes of THREE (!) FRER in each. I was now officially poor, but rich in pregnancy tests.

I took one every time I used the restroom. Like up to 4 per day. I WAS SO IMPATIENT I COULDN’T CONTAIN MYSELF. I went as far as RE-USING my FRER tests after I had used them all on previous days, and had saved them in a neat (BFN & evap) progression line. I KNOW YOU CANT REUSE THEM BUT IM CRAZY OK. Okay.😭

So then around 10 days of AF being late (which mind you had never occurred to me before in my life) I was like...

No more tests. No more psycho. Let’s go camping. Lets stop googling about the possibility of me still being pregnant. (Every day I’d type “9 days late still bfn,” “10 days late still bfn,” “11 days...” you get it.) So we went camping. On the beach in Malibu. It was fab. I forgot about it for a few days. And then I was like hmm lets try the googles now... and apparently you can totally completely SKIP a period and ovulate like normal 14 days after AF (that I missed) was due. So I took an OPK, low and behold - on June 5 it was POSITIVE!?!?!

I was honestly the most confused in my life. Sooooooooo here I am. 19 days late on my period. 7 days past my MAYBE-who-knows ovulation. Googling if you are more fertile after missing a period because surely I’ve suffered enough and should be blessed with a natural fertility boost. No? Maybe? Weeeellllll, I’m back to taking a test every morning and getting BFNs (the last two mornings). Yes I’m more behaved now, not testing every time I pee. Also no symptoms, unless going COMPLETELY NUTS counts?!?!

So I thought why not document this insanely difficult TWW... oh I mean 6 week wait(!) on Glow. Also should I go to a doctor or just wait it out now? Anyone else ever been in this boat? My last period was April 24th. Until then I’ve had my period every month like clockwork and for 4 days each time. And now nothing in May and nothing half way into June. But I guess I shall know sometime this week, huh?

I will update when I receive either AF/BFP (I’d be happy with either at this point) or when I go to the doctor. Thanks for letting me vent. 🤪💗🌞