2nd baby and probably the last :( (long post sorry)

Gone • Nope

I had my doctors appointment almost a week ago and I've honestly just been trying to forget what was said but I can't. I failed, my body has failed at the one thing every female should be able to do. yes this pregnancy so far is fine and I do have one son already but that doesn't make the "no more kids" conversation easier.

with my son my pregnancy was fine until 37 weeks when it turned into a living hell. I had severe preeclampsia and there was no waiting, it was either emergency c section NOW or we would both die. no questions asked.

my blood pressure was already elevated at this doctor's appt...I have to do a 24hr urine test to see how my kidney function is and well go from there...

but no more. if I get sick again, If my blood pressure gets too high, if I go into preterm labor (all of which I'm high risk for) there can be no more children. my body is done. its failed. it's such an overwhelming amount of guilt knowing my husband wants a bunch of kids and I can't give them to him....pregnancy with me isn't fun and exciting...it's scary and dangerous and there is always the chance he might need to choose who lives.

it's not fair.

I'm 22

everything should be smooth and ok

and I know this will probably piss off the ladies who are having trouble even having one and I'm sorry for that...and I'm sorry your having trouble but please don't be rude...I'm thankful for what I have, really I am. but I wanted a bunch of kids, I wanted to be able to give my husband a bunch of kids...and I just can't because my body can't do it. my body can't cope with being pregnant...and its already starting again this time already.