So about 10 years ago I was fired from a babysitting job. To this day it’s the only job I’ve ever been fired from. I’m not trying to exaggerate, but I felt like it traumatized me a little. It was humiliating and put me in a bad situation financially. I was about 20 and I worked for this lady who was very particular. I wasn’t used to being around people like that. She had specific trash cans she wanted diapers to go in and a specific way she wanted towels folded and a specific way she wanted the dishwasher loaded and she was always home while I watched the kids and criticizing everything I did. My mom was abusive and when people hover over me, I just freeze. Especially when I can tell they’re getting impatient with me.

Well, fast forward to now, 10 years later I’m pregnant. I’ve cried every day since I found out. I had a horrible childhood and I didn’t have a good example of how to be a “good” mom. I still don’t. I haven’t seen my real mom since I was a teenager. I don’t have a mom to share the pregnancy with, get advice from, or be there when I give birth. I have my husband, but that’s it. And he’s going to have to go back to work and I’m going to be alone with a baby for 3 months (maternity leave).

I’m just scared. I know I’ve come a long way in 10 years. And I’ve gained 10 years of life experience since then.

How can I be a mother when I was never taught?