Depression! This is long so be patient please.

I lost my virginity at 13 and got pregnant at 14. My second child, I got pregnant at 17 and had my child at 18. (My first two are from the same worthless drug dealer! Ugh!!) I went all the way through my senior year pregnant and a month before graduation I dropped out, got on welfare and met a guy offline when my second child was 7 months. It was a horrific relationship for me, so I started dancing (stripping) from 19 to 24( my current age). During that time I got pregnant at 20 from someone I called my "best friend" (went back to high school and finished before I had my third child at the age of 21). From 19 to 21 I had a regular (customer) whom I fell in love with and started dating (he is now 65). He took in all three of my kids but didn't want to marry b/c he had already tried it with his other 4 wives, so we ended splitting a year ago (I was 23). While dating him I stopped dancing, he took my kids in as his own (was in my last child's life since I was 5 months pregnant with her) and I got pregnant by him and had an ABORTION w/o his consent b/c we have already discussed he didn't want anymore kids. After splitting up I went back dancing and met another guy! He was supposed to be a one night stand b/c I was still hurting from the breakup of my ex, but we're STILL TOGETHER. Everything is good! I'm in college trying to achieve my bachelors in science and nursing (2 more years to go), we have a beautiful home, finances are good, my kids love him and he loves my kids as his own, but I am SO depressed yall! SO DEPRESSED! I want for NOTHING but another child! Something he doesn't want for another two years. I cry, spazz out, go in dark moods, I'm a bitch to him and nasty at times, I'm rude and blame him sometimes for my life (It sucks that I do that too), and all he does is love me and is VERY patient and understanding. Im not trying to push him away, but I KNOW one day all of this marriage talk, adoption of my kids, our relationship and this beautiful soul and man will go out the window if I don't get this shit together! I don't know what to do. HELP ME PLEASE!!! P.S. NEVER have an abortion NO MATTER WHAT!