Lonely (vent)

How can someone feel alone when they are surrounded by those who love her?

I live with my husband and step sons that I love and adore. But I feel so alone. The boys call me mom, but the oldest (10 yrs old and the younger is 7), misses his bio mom he hasn't had contact with in like 2 yrs (she left them). In fact next yr I will be adopting them if all goes right.

Then there is my husband. He is stressed out with the move ( moved next door to the bigger house), but I feel like I am useless to him. Hell, I feel useless to everyone around me.

I want to self harm, but gave him my blades and no meds to over-medicate. I am bi-polar, BPD, PTSD, with anxiety issues. I am supposed to be on meds, but with us trying to have a baby I have stopped taking them. I have a therapist, she is ok so far (only seen her like 3 times).

I just don't know anymore.......