My mum, my late nan and I have always had a special bond; I was my nan’s first granddaughter for the family, and I was her special “floss”.

Since she passed, I’ve always expressed how amazing it would be if I were to have a daughter (and my husband and I have longed for a little girl for the last 6 years), and that I would love her to have the same relationship with her nan (my mum)- and for her to be the new “floss”.

Well... yesterday I found out that my brother and his wife are having a baby girl.

Of course they are.

This is their second baby (first was a boy)- so not only have they now had the first grandchild in general, but also the first grandson AND granddaughter.

And to top it all off... I was pregnant before my SIL was.

They found out that they were pregnant literally the same day that I miscarried.

And their due date is 14 days after what ours would’ve been.

I feel like they’ve literally stolen my dream from me.

I know that I will have my baby eventually, and hopefully get to fulfill my dream of having a daughter.

But at the moment my emotions are too raw to see their pregnancy progressing when that literally should’ve been us.

Im angry at the universe that everything has always come so easy for my brother, and yet my life has been full of suffering, hurdles- that I have to dig deep for strength to overcome/pass.

And I know this is yet another hurdle that I will somehow find the strength to be the bigger and better person despite my grief, but that won’t be today 💔