13 day till my due date. Yes, I should add another 10 if we go late but would rather focus on the next 13 first.
My list of complains/pains is probably longer than 13. I have started getting contractions intermittently. (Midwife confirmed they are real just not strong enough.)
However, today I want to focus on the fact I have almost made it to meet baby. My coworker/pregnancy buddy just went out. She was having complications but her baby is healthy. I could get down because she has her baby and I still don’t. Yet, it is a blessing that we aren’t having complications and everyday baby stays in the stronger baby will be when born.
I am emotionally tired of pain and discomfort. I know I could throw in the towel and whine until they give me pictosin. Yet, part of using a midwife and choosing low medical interventions is knowing this journey isn’t easy. I am essentially testing myself and telling myself I am stronger than pain. I am stronger than the hard times. Most importantly I am strong enough to make a commitment to myself and follow through, even if it is the hardest thing I have ever done.
No, I don’t have to do it this way. No, this isn’t for everyone and doesn’t make me any better of a woman. Pregnancy is hard and if Mom and baby make it through then it is a blessing, regardless of how. For me this quest isn’t about connecting to some primitive ancestral way of life. This is me taking control and empowering myself to be challenged.
Before I got pregnant I was really overweight. Was told to limit weight gain to under 20 pounds, which I have so far. I didn’t want to exercise because it made me uncomfortable. I haven’t drastically changed my eating or started running. But I have started to care more about myself.
Regardless of how this plays out or when baby decides to come, I feel stronger and more sure of myself. I know sleepless nights will test me and my journey into motherhood is just starting. However, confidence in myself will help when I don’t know what to do. Even if I don’t know baby and I will make it through.