I hate myself, my life and body

I’m 35 years old have been happily married for 12 years and in that time we’ve tried to get pregnant and nothing. I have PCOS and was diagnosed at the age of 22, I don’t know what to do I want to erase this app so I can give myself a break and stop wondering when it’s gonna happened. See I don’t believe religion anymore cus I’ve see the hypocrisy of people in it, I want to be a Mom so bad just like my sisters but I feel like it’s not gonna happened. I give up my entire life just to be able to bring a child in to the world. But no matter how much I cry, beg, scream or implore to anyone who is listening it’s not gonna happened. I wish I could afford fertility treatments but I can’t I’m barely getting by with our bills and our rent... I don’t know what else to do all I can do is cry and hope that when I go to sleep I don’t dream of being pregnant or have dreams of babies. Sorry rant over