My Journey Dealing with loss.


Hi, it’s my first time posting so please do not judge. I’m 17 years old and I recently lost my father ,59, to Liver Cancer AKA Cirrhosis. My dad was a good dad to me, I was his little princess for the longest time. He would always be on my side and give me really helpful advice. I was his mini him... Crazy. Unfortunately, he had an addiction... which was Alcohol. He would try not to hurt me or my siblings, but would verbally abuse my mom and my middle sister for no reason. My dad had two different personalities and I did not understand why. When I was 11, my parents split and he got worse... At 14 years old, I started to go my “own way”. Just going teenage stuff. Of course, I started to argue with him and one particular day he told me he had Hepatitis C. Like I keep saying, I did not know what that was. My dad did not want me to know that he had Cancer so he went to get treatment for his Liver and saw there was no tumors and left . Stopped Chemo from there. At 15 turning 16 my parents went to go to the doctor and told them that his liver had no good tissue left... that he two years to live. At first... I wasn’t phased by it. Then... his symptoms started to get worse and worse. He became so skinny... then on January I started to believe e gained weight. That was good to me until a month later I find out that it was water building up and his time was coming to an end. I took him to his doctor appointment to check on his nutrition. The doctor ask me questions and I couldn’t help, but cry. He turned weaker and weaker. He barely could walk, even if he could, he would slow down and try to catch his breath. On March 7, my mom told me that my dad has at least 6 months to live and I was the first to learn about his time. We both cried and I was thinking to myself, “how can he do this to himself? Why? Weren’t we good enough”. My mom did not know how to tell my younger sisters (16 and 13) about my father condition. The very next day, my parents sat my sisters and I down, my dad said, “Kids, my sickness turned terminal... I’m so sorry”. My sister (16) held back tears while my sister, Mom, and I cried. My dad decided to be on Hospice. His family started to show up and contribute. My mom and I work at the same place so I started covering shifts for her so she can help take care of my dad. My dad was surrounded by love and care from his family and four daughters (I have a half sister who is 34). On March 24, my mom woke me up around 3am telling me my dad passed away. I wanted it to be a dream... I didn’t believe her until a Chaplin told me “I’m sorry for your loss”. The hardest part was the Cremation home taking him away because I knew he would never come back... when they were taking him out my mom slid down the wall crying his name. I never seen my mom cry so hard in her life. So... yeah... I lost my father to liver cancer. I promised my dad that I would graduate high school and go to college. That I would get at least A’s and B’s on my second semester. It was the roughest year for me, but hey... I made it! My dad promised my mom that we will be okay and to stay positive.

He always carried this picture of him and I. He had other pictures of him and my sisters. It showed that he loved us, but his addition took control. It took a while for me to understand.

Here is the grades I promise him :)

Originally I wasn’t going to go to prom due to owing the school $880, but my instructor (yes I was in ROTC) explained to him what happen and waived my fees and gave me two free prom tickets! Here is a picture of me and my boyfriend of almost two years :)!

I graduated High school on June 10! ❤️

I’ve gotten a lot of support from my Senior class :’) ❤️ they gave me a card which I love!

Dad, I love you! So much. Te extraño mucho! You may be gone... but you’ll forever be in my heart. I know there will be really tough times, but you’ll be here to guide. It’s about to be three month since you left this world... but I want you to know, that I’m okay. ❤️I know there will be some ups and some downs, but it will get better. I promise. After every storm, a rainbow forms. ❤️ 🌈 To Jaime , from yours Janell (Aka Janelita)