Missed period I think 😓

Nercy
So I have been trying to conceive with my husband after I had a miscarriage last year June and I have a 45-53 day cycle. My period is crazy for 1 month it came as a 53 day cycle then for the next two months it was a 45 day cycle and my last period was a 38 day cycle (idk if your confused by now lol) but today is day 45 and no period. I had cramps 9 ago for two days no bleeding(maybe implantation cramps?) I don't want to test because i don't know if this cycle might just be a 53 day cycle and I don't want to be disappointed :(
Has this happened to anyone ? Should I wait until the 19th (53rd day)? 😕