our second anniversary comes...its 2016 we go out, nice ass restaurant and all that.. it was great. until the next couple days, I found out yet again that he was speaking with Al.. and so once again I go to leave because these fights just suck ass so bad. (SIDENOTE i have said i would leave several times before this BUT not leave him specifically, just leave, no details, nothing. I'd usually come back 20min to 2 hrs later depending on cool down period) but this time I said i would leave him. We got in this big argument, probably one of the biggest but definitely not the top... where so many hurtful things were said to eachother.. and it ended up with him laying on me, my back against a dresser, and him crying on my lap quite literally begging for me to stay. and I do, because this shows he loves me.. right? but things change. now i cant help but not trust him.. and the past always comes up, and suddenly i'm pushing all of his buttons and he's making me so emotional, so every time i say im leaving but nothing more specific, it goes to him getting angry and me pushing more buttons and repetition.. and it turns violent. first he hits me, just smacks, or pins me down via my arms.... but when we drink, or just I drink.. and we fight, things turn worse and worse, to get a rise out of him I go to leave, hed pull my hair, force me back and then... a drunk moment and punches to my leg, I now have bruises.. so many bruises on one spot in my leg.. and they hurt so bad.. but he loves me.. so I stay. and I cover it up, but I tell a few friends.. and send pictures of them.. but stay. and have them quiet, but updated. Things get better, they always do.... we plan for a family, many months of talking about this, before our second anni, and a little after our fight, but we continue planning....I get pregnant again, after 4-6 months of trying from the beginning.. and I'm scared to miscarry with all the stress and fights that still occasionally are around, i mean.. what if thats what caused the miscarry before this pregnancy? so i take it as easy as i can, im always tired and always sleeping when i can. at 13 weeks (i made it this far, yay..) we fight. it's about Al and him and his porn and everything and i get upset and go to leave and things get rough, i tell him i want the gun in my closet (not ammo, not to hurt him jist that i was worried if hed use the gun registered to me to do anything.. so i reach for it and end up in a choke hold and he put me to sleep for a few minutes. pregnant.. and scared.. so scared.. i take off and walk, to clear my head. but i cant leave, i have nowhere to go. and this is his baby, our baby, we wanted this baby. so i go back after a few hours. and things are.. rough, but okay. and they get better.

7 months pregnant, a girl messages him, says she's friends of Al, is it okay to play with him and sends a picture of her breasts, clothed.. he turns her down and tells me about it. but i got upset and wanted to know where she even came from and we were arguing.. and he messages her back saying she has nice tits.. told me he messaged her again AFTER i had already found out because i messaged her saying i was pregnant and she goes on to tell me i probably know it isnt his kid and things to hurt me and sends screenshots of his and her messages and they upset me... so we fight again. and down i go... he put me to sleep.. again.. for wanting to leave because of his shit. And we talk and fuck.. and things clear up and get better...

continued in another post due to length