I lost my son at 25 weeks back in March, and have since been doing everything in my power to move forward. I’ve gone to bereavement support groups, met with a Counseler, and even have made the decision to try for another. Just trying to get my life back. And although I miss my son every day and not a day goes by that he’s not heavy on my mind, I was moving forward. I didn’t feel trapped in my grief.

Until now. His date is quickly approaching and there are constant reminders of that. My cousin who announced she was pregnant the same day i did just had her son, and last week I ran into my husbands cousin who I knew was also pregnant and learned she share the same due date as me.

So to say that I’ve been struggling is an understatement. Then today I decided to take a pregnancy test, not because I thought I was, but because I wanted to know that I could go out and drink without causing harm to a potential baby. And of course it was negative. And of course my plans to go out fell through.

And my due date is the 2nd, my period should start Monday. And I’m just over it. I was hoping to be pregnant by this date, to make the day less painful. And I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this week. I don’t know if I can withstand seeing another newborn announcement. I’m just so tired. And all of this moving forward I thought I did is gone. I just want to wake up from this nightmare.