My day (long, rant, pity party)
I didn't sleep at all last night because I was up multiple times to use the bathroom and my dogs kept me awake (SO insists they sleep with us!) so I was waiting for my bf to get up and take them out like he normally does so I could get a few hours of shut eye. Well, lo and behold, I forgot to feed the dogs last night (honest mistake and he's capable considering they are HIS dogs) and he just FLIPPED. I could tell the way he asked he was pissed and then he was slamming doors! So I locked the bedroom door to keep him out. He tried to get back in, demanding pretty rudely that I open it (I'll admit I was baiting him, saying that he might as well just break it considering all the other shit he breaks) and just when I was getting up to unlock it he does break it! I said something along the lines of "I knew you would" and he calls me a dimb bitch and other stuff. This all happened around 6:30am. All I wanted to do was sleep and I get bitched out. I am literally just sitting there sobbing in bed and he ignores me like always and starts playing his video game. Around 7:30 I get in the shower to calm myself and get ready for the day, leave to go grocery shopping. When I get home (he was painting the living room/kitchen) he acts like nothing is wrong and that everything between us is peachy. I go along with it because I really just don't want to fight. I couldn't really clean today because he was painting and everything was covered; I did his work laundry and played with the dogs outside, watched some Netflix. Went and got pizza for dinner and when I got home it was 8 so I'm thinking I can finally pass out. I turn the light off in the bedroom, start getting comfy and in comes my bf with his food and he turns on the light. All I say is "Really?" which was obviously a poor choice because out to the living room he goes with his pillow, comes back for a blanket and now here I am again crying alone.
I feel like I'm always stepping on egg shells around him. I can tell that I have this fear of him by the way my heart speeds up WHENEVER I do anything wrong or think I did. I just don't know how I allowed myself to get in this situation. I'm 30 weeks today. I wanted today to be a nice milestone day but I just feel like shit.
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