Do you have to work hard at a relationship with your mil?

Question

I’m trying really hard to please my mother in law. She used to love me but after I had our baby she changed. She gets jealous of me and tries to tell me how to do everything. Anyway, I’ve been really trying to have a good relationship with her. She seems better in a lot of ways. I just wonder if this struggle is the norm for most mil relationships.

Answer

Nope. I honestly don’t have to see her all that much thank god. And she’s very easy going. She understand that her kids are grown and she doesn’t expect much from us. We are busy with our own lives.

Answer

I stopped caring 🤷🏻‍♀️
My mother in law is sweet, and helpful, and amazing.
But she’s also judgmental, controlling, and overbearing. 
Her daughter (my husband’s stepsister) is her favorite, and she makes it known. Which means her son is the favorite grandchild, and my daughter comes second to him. For instance, my daughter’s first Christmas was all about him and making it magical for him. We decided to take our daughter on a cruise, and my mother in law flipped saying it was expensive (we paid for it ourselves and didn’t ask for financial help). Now she’s booked a cruise to take him on. She couldn’t make it to my child’s first birthday party but she’s been to every single award ceremony for him and managed to take him to school and pick him up every single day for the first week (just because she wanted to since she’s “nana”). She can’t be bothered to visit our child who lives 10 minutes down the road from her more than once every few months , but has Taco Mondays with him and takes him to fun places at least twice a week. You get the picture. 
Her daughter gets divorced, and she applauds her and does everything she can to help out. 
We move out of our apartment and into a house, and we get a lecture and told how irresponsible we are. We have our daughter and we hear about how we aren’t ready and should be married. We get married and we’re told we should have waited. (She thinks I’m not good enough for him but won’t actually say that) 
You get the picture? Everything we do— even if it’s GOOD is criticized and made into a bad thing. My husband is not an anxious person by any means, but he hates talking to his mom because she nitpicks all he does. He feels like nothing he does is good enough. And god forbid we need ANY help. She hands over money and advice and all kinds of help to his sister, but lectures him up and down if he even hints at needing something. Mind you, his sister is the older one. 
After a while I just stopped caring. We’re happy and healthy, and doing good by ourselves. We don’t need their approval.

Answer

YES! I married the baby of the family, plus she is legit still attached to her other children by the umbilical cord still, I swear it’s ridiculous. 🤦‍♀️ I think family closeness is important but I also think putting your spouse as your main priority is the way you keep a good marriage. Anywho- she is nice lady with many great qualities, but she is VERY hard for me to be chummy with. I have to bite my tongue around her constantly. My hubby and I have talked about it though and he takes my side and has been firmly but still respectfully setting boundaries with his mom. I am nice to her and still go out of my way to help if she needs it, but the struggle is very real. It makes me feel guilty at times that I struggle so much with it but I just do my best and that’s all any of us can do. My advice would be to be nice but also hold your ground. Good luck!

Answer

just had a really nasty argument with my MIL yestarday, been holding my tongue for too long but couldn't anymore,she is the narcissistic, judgmental, gossiper and pretender kind of people but her Children are really great and so different from her, I've been respectful and tried to control myself for too long but couldn't manage anymore. glad I can just vent on here.

Answer

My MIL is annoying, like every MIL but so, so sweet. She'll always got out of her way to please me (I mentioned once I love yellow bell peppers, been having them every time she makes ratatouille 😛) and she absolutely respects her son's and I's relationship.
She let us plan exactly what we wanted for our wedding, without ever pushing to get things her own way.
My mother on the other hand... hates my SO. I don't think it would change anything if he tried to "work hard" at having a relationship with her because she had her mind set since day 1. We keep interactions with her to a minimum.

Answer

My mil is great! I have more trouble with other people in his family lol so I just avoid all contact. But his immediate family is awesome! I am blessed! Im sorry you are having to go through that.

Do you have to work hard at a relationship with your mil?

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