My husband is my abuser. I tried to leave a short time ago. I went back because I’m torn between my religious beliefs of what Jesus says about marriage and what I should do. Im torn between holding onto faith, that God will heal him if I just pray, show faith and listen, but I’m honestly in the flesh not feeling strong enough.

It’s gotten so much worse. Now he will hit me with no regard that I’m holding our 6 month old son and he will hit me even if he’s holding him. My son cries when he sees him in the act and he won’t let me comfort him. I’m afraid of him. Afraid for me and my son especially my sons emotional well-being.

I don’t think I know how to leave this relationship. Smh. I’m married even if I divorce him, I fear he will get worse; because I tried talking to him about getting a divorce and why I think it’s necessary and he’s like well fu I’m taking the baby...but he’s homeless!!! Smh

Then he says “you don’t listen that’s the problem. That’s why we end up here every time.” So basically he’s shift blaming his actions against me. It’s just gotten so much worse. We don’t have sex, there’s no emotional or physical contact other than abuse smh. I’ve tried to get back an emotional and intimate connection, but it’s like he’s never into me.

Claims he’s tired . At this point I’m thinking, why would You even want to be with him emotionally or intimately? smh. Everything that goes wrong for him or in our relationship is my fault these days.

This recent incident happened because I asked to see his phone and he appeared nervous then upset then blamed me for not being able to rest for ten more minutes despite already sleeping for 2-3 hours🤦🏽‍♀️. I figured out it’s because he doesn’t want me in his phone smh but my defense is if you’re not hiding anything and it’s all business what does it matter if I look through your “work” (it’s not work ladies yeah he conducts business with it but it’s his only phone and how he calls me and family, he just labels it work to create a boundary) phone. I suspect it’s more especially since this isn’t the first time he reacted so violently towards me over the phone. Only the last time my mom was present. Back then, he told me that if I see something in his phone we could talk about it, so I never expected him to react the same way this time around. Nevertheless, my son is in the middle. I don’t know how to leave even if I get an order of protection, I don’t trust that’s enough because We have a son.

I feel it will make it worse. Idk what to do.

Has anyone experienced this and left the situation despite fears and his mental health issues but you and your child have been safe since?

He has a diagnosed mental health issue. Which he denies is real says he made it all up. A legal issue and because of that legal situation isn’t able to go back to work (where he made $40-62 hourly) and is living like a nomad right now until he says addresses the situation...

He says he should just kill me sometimes. Or that he’s taking the baby if I divorce him smh

I really don’t know what to do. It sounds easy right? Just leave! But how without fear that he will find me bcz he’s great at that and then there’s my religious belief that marriage is through sickness and in health (his mental health state) till death due is part....or what God says, unless he proves unfaithful 🤦🏽‍♀️🙏🏽. I’m so confused and I’m so lost. Idk how to leave safely. I don’t want it to get worse but I have to protect my son and myself.