So my husband and I raised three wonderful kids. They all grown up (for the most part) now and I'm so proud of them. Well, when they'd mostly moved out and started lives/families of their own my husband and I decided to look into fostering with a potential to adopt. We gave so much to our kids and not having anyone else that needs us like they did was hard to adjust too. We have so much left to give of ourselves. My husband was a foster child and his foster parents gave him the second chance he really needed so we decided to try to do that for another child.

Two years ago our foster daughter came into our lives. She was 12 at the time and had come from a really roughy situation. Initially things were very hard- she really pushed the limits with us. We went through smoking, alcohol use, stealing, skipping school, etc in that first year. It was brutal. We got her into therapy and family therapy to try to help us all get through this. Eventually things settled down and got better. A lot of what happened had been out of a lot of hurt and anger on her part, she had every reason to be so upset with the world. It didn't excuse her actions, but for the least year she's really started to grow into a wonderful young lady. She's doing really well I'm school now and has a great group of friends too. We get along and don't fight constantly. She doesn't smoke or drink. She's honest with us and actually talks to me. Its been great and my husband and I have been talking about potentially adopting her (we haven't spoken to her yet because we need to be sure about this first and need to know our other kids would be ok with it).

Well, today I found three pregnancy tests in the trash. I wasn't looking, the bag ripped when I was taking the trash out and I found them. As I'm the only other woman living here I knew they had to be hers. I spoke to her and it all came out. She's pregnant by some guy in the grade above her (they're both underage by the way) from basically a one night stand- she's about 5 weeks from what I gather. I've already booked her a doctor's appointment with my OB/GYN for next week.

I'm just stunned at what else to do. I never dealt with this with my biological kids. My daughter dumped a guy in grade 12 because he put his hand up her skirt once to try to convince her to have sex with him. I personally didn't start having sex until marriage. Just to give you an idea of how unprepared I am for this. Of course I've spoken to all my kids about puberty, sex and how to practice safe sex. Not even 6 months ago I asked my foster daughter if she wanted to get on birth control for her very bad periods. She said no. She gets an allowance for doing her chores so she has money (shes actually very responsible with money and has saved a good portion) to buy condoms if needed. Yet, somehow that wasn't enough to encourage safe sex (she told me they only used the pull out method- which I'd warned her was a bad idea). I feel like I failed as a parent here

I just don't know what to do here. She's having a child and she's still a child herself. I told her, like I told my other kids, that if they have a baby that will be their baby. I'm not raising their child. They can live at home for free like they have been while in school. I'll still feed them, clothe them and all that. But, I won't be child care (I work full time) and that will be their responsibility. I'll babysit on occassion and I'll be there to help them and love them, but that's it. Mothers should raise their own kids and be responsible for their kids- if you can have sex then you need to manage those consequences in my opinion. Its what my mum told me and I always agreed with it. I do plan on following what I said, but even then she's going to need help. I needed help at 24 when I had my first, so of course she needs help and even more than I did considering she's 14. I just have no idea what to even say to her. I thought kissing was gross at 14! I never thought babies would have sex.

I know I'm rambling and I'm sorry if this makes no sense. I'm just so freaked out and shaken by all of this.

UPDATE: She has told me she wants to keep the baby. We already discussed this which is why I spoke about things as if she wanted to keep the baby.