I’m not able to share these feelings with my partner because he hates this house, and I’m not able to share on Facebook because I don’t want anyone knowing my business and talk about me, but I do want to share this......

As I am packing up our belongings, deciding what goes with us to the tiny apartment or goes in storage I am overwhelmed with over two years of emotion.

I see our ghosts just memories now walking through the door to look at this house back when we were strangers ourselves. I see my extremely fatigue body from the terrors of pregnancy sitting on what once was carpet in the living room for our inspection, besides the electric socket that our child will get her first of five pops from me. I remember the tears I shed after I popped her because I didn’t mean to I was in the kitchen heard something and saw her attempt to stick a cable cord in her mouth and I panicked. I jumped over a love seat that day. I unscrewed the cable protector that was placed there afterwards just last week. I just packed up her hiding space in the kitchen where I once put sugar and flour and it eventually turned into her little fort with a camp lamp. She will get her own cabinet in the house we build. I look at the door I repainted, the same door you carried our precious little girl into and the same glass door she would, on several occasions, run slap into for no reason. I will miss this hallway where you would hide at the end of and she would run down it to find you and both of y’all would run back up it laughing and screaming.... I will miss the House I’ve called home since April 2016. I will miss the house we have built so many memories in. The house you proposed in, the house we fault in and the house we fell in love with each other in..... I will miss my tub and the fights for the one bathroom which you would always win because you’re faster. But mostly I will miss our first home. All the imperfections. The books from you teaching me to use a saw on our floor.... the memories of how sexy you looked putting things together. I will miss the security I felt in. The tiny home that I learned to sleep with both eyes closed. The home I felt safe in..... the home you built for me and our daughter. The house our daughter knows and feels comfortable in will be a home to someone else now. Will carry the memories of a new family. Will hold the love of a first time couple just starting out. And while they live in our home for a short while like we did we will be building our forever home. The home we raise our daughter and any other children in. The home we won’t fight over a bathroom. The home we don’t tippy toe around to not wake up the baby. The home where we will start from the ground up. The home we will be married at. Our forever home will be amazing. But I will always remember our fixer upper that you hated. The grass that wouldn’t grow, and the scratches the driveway gave my bumper because it’s basically a mountain to climb. Sometimes I’ll drive by just to see it and remember the memories of that 8 ft tree that was actually a 10 ft tree tagged wrong and we had to cut it up to get it to fit. The Christmas ornaments we bought after that Christmas because I could only decorate a third of it. The sidewalk our child played on. I’ll never want to forget.